Reconcilable Differences
part 32
by Mrs. Eyre
“I know plenty of people who can help
us find a house. Josip, leave your sister alone. You
have your own drink, stop it.”
The restaurant was crowded, noisy and smoky.
More accustomed these days to smoke free eateries in Chicago Luka
realised he had missed this.
“Well, your idea of suitable might not
be mine. Josip!”
Tatijana snatched the fork with which
Josip was about to stab Magdalena out of his hand and returned it
to the table with a bang. Luka looked across at Anna and
raised his eyebrows, smiling. She blushed furiously and
examined her fingernails. He’d asked Tatijana if he’d
done something to upset the girl who had still not spoken a word
to him.
“She has a terrible crush on you,”
Tatijana had said. “Don’t tell your father;
he’d make her life miserable with teasing if he knew.”
Luka looked across at Ivica who was looking
back at him, a tiny smile teasing the corners of his mouth.
As if he wouldn’t know. Luka frowned a little and
shook his head almost imperceptibly. Ivica shrugged and
said “And not in the middle of nowhere. Where
will Anna find her admirers?”
“Nowhere in Dubrovnik is in the middle
of nowhere” said Damir, testily.
“Can we have a garden, Tata?”
“We’ll see.”
”And a horse?”
”No! What would we do with a horse?”
“A dog then?”
”We’ll see.”
”Your uncle could find you a horse” observed
Ivica.
“Really? Uncle Luka, get me a
horse!”
“Your grandfather’s teasing.”
”I am not!” He leaned in toward Anna
conspiratorially. “Once, when he was – how old,
Luka? Nineteen?”
”Nineteen.”
”Yes, nineteen, your uncle Luka stole a police horse right
here in Zagreb.”
“With the policeman on it?” asked
Josip, enchanted.
“No, of course not,” said Ivica.
“He was taking a - he’d gone to the
bathroom.”
Josip regarded his uncle with new respect.
“Where did you keep it?”
”I didn’t keep it. I left it tethered by the
river so it would be found.”
Josip’s new found respect evaporated
instantly. “You should have kept it. The
policeman could have got a new one.”
”We were living in your grandfather’s apartment. I
couldn’t keep it.”
“Sharing a room with him was bad enough”
put in Damir, nodding at Luka, “never mind a horse. Then,
maybe the horse would have been better.”
“Still,” said Taijana,
“a garden would be nice.”
“Why did you do it?” All
eyes turned to Anna, who had spoken for the first time. “Why
did you take the horse?”
“I don’t know.”
”He was in drink” said Ivica.
“Well, yes. But the horse looked
--- lonely.”
“For God’s sake!” snorted
Damir.
“It did. I rode it through the
city for about an hour. We had a very interesting
conversation.”
“Oh, please!”
“What about?” asked Anna.
“What about? About your
Aunt Danijela, mostly. I thought --- I thought perhaps I’d
like to marry her. The horse thought it was a very good
idea. And as it turned out it was right.”
“Was she pretty?”
”Horses aren’t pretty!” threw in Magdalena
who had plaited the prongs of her fork into her hair.
“Yes. Almost as pretty as you.”
“I want a cat, actually.” said
Josip. “And a hamster.”
”Together? What if the cat eats the hamster?”
posed Ivica.
“We’ll see, “ said Damir.
“Would you like some wine?” Luka
asked Anna.
“Luka!” scolded Tatijana.
“Just a little, with water. Young
ladies are allowed a little wine.”
“Mama?”
”A tiny drop. Enough to colour the water and that’s
it.”
Luka mixed the water and the wine and handed
it to Anna.
“Make a toast.” He told her.
Anna pondered for a moment and then said
“To our family.” They raised
their glasses and Luka smiled across at Anna.
“The boys in Dubrovnik had better look
out” he said and winked at her. There was that blush
again.
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
He lay awake for a long time that night.
Leaving them tomorrow was going to be harder than he’d
expected; he’d begun to entertain the possibility of
returning for good. He turned Rosa’s wedding ring on
his finger; no. There was something he had to know
first. If her answer was no he knew he would not fall to
pieces. He had a life to live and knew that he wanted her
in it, but he knew too that he’d have to tell her that he
wanted more than her friendship or he wanted nothing. She
loved him, he believed that; but with the love he wanted,
and now felt he deserved? What if she decided on nothing?
He’d know soon enough, no need to meet trouble half way.
It seemed to him now that he’d spent a
long time unable to live in the present; his past had been
too painful for him to draw any comfort from it and had also
taught him that the future was an illusion as likely to
disintegrate as to materialise. His years with Danijela he
had spent seeing his children’s futures, had lived for that;
to no avail.
So. No past; no future he could
trust; and the present too had somehow eluded him. And
at the very point at which he’d thought he could do it he
also discerned that the woman he’d thought was with him had
absented herself. His fault of course.
And you’re married to a ghost
She was wrong. It was him that was the
ghost. He wouldn’t do it again.
Tell her what you want. Take the
consequences. Be a man. He smiled in the dark. He
was turning into his father.
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
“Business class! You have money
to burn.”
”No, Tata, I have long legs.”
”So do I.”
”You don’t fly!”
Ivica opened his mouth to argue but Luka cut
him off. “Believe me, it’s worth it.”
“My son the jet setter.”
”Stop squabbling” sighed Tatijana. Ivica looked
suitably cowed.
“I hate this.” He muttered.
“We all hate it, Tata.”
”And where’s your brother?”
”He’ll be here.”
”Couldn’t take a day off.”
”He’s taken plenty of days off.”
”Well --- “
“Leave him alone. Am I
complaining? He’ll be here.”
As though on cue Damir found them. He
looked hot and uncomfortable in his suit, a little red in the
face from rushing. He tried to smile at Luka and couldn’t.
Luka smiled for both of them.
“I hate this,” said Damir. He
hadn’t expected to feel so much anguish at Luka’s
departure. This was what his brother did to them. The
love they had laid up, like wine, now uncorked and poured. Now
he’d have to stop it up again and hope that it didn’t
go sour waiting for the next time. He hoped this time would
be different, that they were seeing him off to something warm,
something welcoming and thought his heart would break when he
thought of more disappointment for Luka. He half hated the
woman he knew was drawing him back, hoped she’d be
careful of him, wasn’t convinced that Luka would survive
another defeat for all his apparent new found serenity.
He hoped she was worth it.
“I suppose” said Tatijana,
slipping her hand into Luka’s and leaning into him “that
next time we see you we’ll be down on the coast.”
“I guess.”
“And maybe next time --- not alone?”
“Tatijana – “
“No. I have a feeling about this.
It will be all right.”
“We’ll see.”
”That’s my line” said Damir.
“Of course, Anna will hate her”
offered Ivica, helpfully.
“No, she won’t” Tatijana
leaned in closer to Luka and whispered “Don’t let this
go , Luka. Take your chance, you deserve it. Do it
for Danijela.”
“Your flight, that’s your flight!”
said Ivica, a note of panic in his voice which said “Don’t
go.”
“Just go,” he said, “Just go,
I hate this.”
Tatijana reached up and took his face in her
hands, kissing him lightly on the mouth. Damir bridled and
they both laughed.
“Too easy, it’s just too easy.”
“Take care of yourself” Luka said
to Tatijana “and them.” He hugged his brother and
his father briefly.
“Go you and do likewise.”
“Jesus Christ when women start quoting
from the Bible it’s time to find a bar.”
Luka turned and walked briskly away from
them; and Ivica called after him
“Tell me if she bursts into flames!”