Reconcilable Differences
part 33
by Mrs. Eyre
The apartment felt too big now. Ivica stood in the doorway of the spare room, saw that the bed had been stripped, the bedding folded neatly on the mattress. More like Damir than Luka. He tipped it into a heap on the floor and stretched himself out on the bed. He suddenly felt terribly old.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So that’s that then. Until next time.”
“Don’t talk like that. You sound --- bitter.”
Damir opened his eyes wide and laughed. “Bitter? No, just realistic.”
”I think this time was different.”
“While he was here, yes. What about when he’s over there? He seems to come unravelled over there.”
”Just trust him, Damir. He was so much more --- himself this time.”
“Maybe. Why do I let it get to me?”
“Because he’s your brother and you love him.”
“Yes.”
“And he loves you.”
“I know.”
”And so do I.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anna could hear her parents talking and knew who they were talking about without hearing their words, She said a prayer for uncle Luka who talked to lonely horses and had raised his glass to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You’re not that pretty, you’re not that special.”
Luka had played that night over and over again like his own personal Zapruder footage, the foregone conclusion lending it a terrible clarity. If he’d stopped at any time, reached for her, turned aside wrath with kindness, seen past his anger, anything but that. He hadn’t meant it, of course, but she’d worn him down over weeks and months, their last months together a war of attrition, until in the end he’d been to exhausted to fight any more.
He’d regretted it bitterly, had tried to make amends. He’d told her he hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but in truth he’d wanted exactly that, had at least wanted to know that he could. And though she said she wasn’t hurt he knew better. He’d tried to understand the distance she kept between them everywhere but between the sheets. Now that he’d looked at his own fear he recognised hers all too well. Such efforts she’d made, such energy expended in holding him at bay, warding off the fear of the anticipated pain. Ironically, it hadn’t worked; she’d been hurt anyway, and for what?
And now? The fear would still be there he knew. Still, bravery lay not in the absence of fear but in its overcoming. He had no idea how brave she was. Looking out over the clouds he felt brave enough for both of them, but when it came to it? There was only one way to find out. He needed her to know how he felt and the rest would be up to her.
“You tell me” he’d said. Well now she would have to. He was resigned to it being in her hands and the thought was strangely calming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter glanced at his watch.
“Do you have somewhere to be?”
“What?”
”Either you have an appointment or you’re terribly fond of that watch.” said Jing Mei, amused. He didn’t answer.
“Abby?”
“She’s meeting Luka’s flight” he said without thinking. Damn.
“At, oh, let me guess, 10.00 O’clock?” Again he didn’t answer.
“You OK?” The concern in her voice finally prompted a response.
“I’m nervous for her.”
“What? They’re ancient history.”
”History has a way of repeating itself.”
“You think so? For them?”
“Maybe. It’s what they both want.”
“What about more recent history?”
”Oh no, not me Ma’am.”
“How do you know all this?”
”She does still talk to me, you know.”
“About this?”
”Sure.”
Jing Mei shook her head.
“What?”
“I don’t know. Seems kinda weird.”
“Weird?”
“Yeah. I mean that’s one strange threesome you have going there.”
“Is that the kind of stuff they taught you at finishing school?”
”I don’t know what you mean.”
“For a nicely brought up young lady you have a very dirty mind.”
“You have no idea,” she said and winking she turned to walk away from the admit desk.
“What time are you off?” he called after her. She didn’t answer. “Have dinner with me?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” she said over her shoulder.