Coming Home
part 2
by Jo
She had said it first in the shower, when they were laughing and fooling around while she was scrubbing the ten days of Matenda off his skin.
Je t'aime.
He didn't really believe her, not then. Then, they were simply happy to find each other alive, happy to be together; there was no sense of seriousness, no real meaning to the words. Not then, not while she was laughing.
But then she said them again.
Je t'aime.
In bed this time, as she stared into his eyes while they were making love. Whispered, so he could barely hear them. But he heard them just the same.
Je t'aime.
Now he listened to her slow, steady breathing as she slept with her head on his chest and her arm draped across him, and Luka wondered what it all meant. Were they simply words, words that slipped out in the heat of passion? They had never talked about love. Love was too dangerous, too serious, too final. There could be no love here. And yet--and yet--
Je t'aime.
I love you.
She had said it in the night, in the dark. Would she still feel that way in the harsh light of day? He was almost afraid to find out. But he wasn't sure if he was afraid that the words were false--or that they were true.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The first glimmer of dawn had barely touched the sky when Charles knocked on their door. "Dr. Luka, Miss Gillian, you need to get up now," he called.
Gillian stirred in Luka's arms and mumbled some unintelligible curses under her breath. Luka chuckled and held her tighter. "Go away," he told Charles.
But Charles had much to do, and so instead of leaving he came into the room. "I am sorry, Dr. Luka," he said, "but I need to go to Kinshasa today. New doctors are arriving, and I have to meet them. And there are supplies to pick up, and hopefully there will be someone from Medicines too, maybe even someone who can take over the hospital. But until I get back, you and Gillian and the other two volunteers are in charge here." While he talked, he pulled back the mosquito netting surrounding the bed and handed first Luka, then Gillian, a cup of coffee. "If you could get up, there are some things I need to show you, Dr. Luka." Gillian sat up on the bed, naked, glaring at Charles as she drank the coffee, but he was unfazed; there were things to do and little time to do them, so there was no time for lovers. Not this morning. Charles waited while Luka got dressed, only averting his eyes when Luka gave Gillian a kiss.
"I'll see you later," Luka whispered. He started to leave, but Gillian pulled him back for one more kiss.
"I'll see you on the wards," she told him, and then Charles pulled his arm, hurrying him along.
~~~~~~~~~
It didn't take Luka long to get back into the routine of the hospital. Charles gave him the keys to the storage rooms, introduced him to the two volunteers who were staying, and then shepherded the two departing doctors to the waiting Jeep. "I'll be back tonight," Charles promised, and then he was gone, leaving Luka alone in the compound. Well, not exactly alone. The fighting had shifted away from Kisangani, and so the compound was full of hundreds of patients with various ailments, all hoping to be seen by one of the doctors. It was going to be long day.
~~~~~~~~~
Luka couldn't decide if time was standing still, or if it was flying by. When he finished one thing, something else would take its place.
"Dr. Luka, the kitchen has run out of..."
"Dr. Luka, I believe this woman needs an appendectomy...."
"Dr. Luka, the light bulb in the west ward has burned out, we need a new one..."
"Dr. Luka." "Dr. Luka." "Dr. Luka." At County, he had tried to keep a low profile, tried to deal only with patients, but here, everyone was looking to him to show them what to do, or to deal with the multitude of mini-crises that cropped up. And he realized he didn't mind. In fact, he liked being the one people turned to. For the first time in much too long, he felt needed, indispensable; he felt like he was doing the work he had been born to do. No challenge was too great, no problem too small; he was excited about medicine again, excited and happy to be doing what he loved best, what he was good at.
And there were those words that were still ringing in his ears.
Je t'aime.
All through the busy day he found his thoughts turning back to those words and the woman who said them; words which lifted his heart, words that proved someone in this world still cared about him, if only for a little while.
They never had a chance to talk; there was time for little more than smiled greeting across a sea of patients. He paused once to watch Gillian as she moved from one person to the next, confident, capable, gentle and kind. Could it be true? Could she actually love him? Could he be that lucky? But before he could lose himself in his thoughts, he was called away again.
~~~~
As darkness approached, the crowd in the compound disappeared, leaving only scattered groups of people who had loved ones in the wards. Smoke wafted up from dozens of cooking fires. The hospital supplied a bare-bones diet, nutritious but bland, which the families supplemented from their own meager stores of food. Luka walked through the compound, checking to be sure they hadn't missed any critical cases--and looking for something special. There was one more thing he had to do before finding Gillian and getting his own dinner, one last patient he had to check. He found what he was looking for, then made his way back through the wards, doing a fast last round. He nodded to Paskal and Manes before hurrying on to his final destination.
"Hello, Chance." The girl beamed up at him. "How are you feeling tonight?"
"Very well, thank you," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper.
Luka checked her leg. It seemed like months since he had amputated the mangled limb with an ordinary saw, but it was only eleven days. "Are they taking good care of you?" Chance nodded. "I brought you something special." He handed her mother a small can filled with roasted meat that he had bought from one of the families in the compound. "I think you might like this, huh?"
The smell of the still-warm meat filled the air. "Dr. Luka, I can't accept this!" Zehra exclaimed; to her, meat was an expensive luxury.
"It's my way of saying thank you," Luka explained as he sat down next to her, all the while keeping his eyes on Chance.
"We are the ones who should be thanking you, Dr. Luka," Zehra insisted.
"To thank you for staying brave and strong while we were in Matenda," Luka explained. "You helped me in ways you don't even know." He smiled at Zehra before looking back to her daughter. "I know you have no family in Kisangani to help you. So I will be your family while you are here." He leaned forward and brushed a stray hair from the girl's cheek. "Okay?" Chance smiled her shy smile again and looked to her mother.
"Okay, Dr. Luka," Zehra gave in without further argument, but behind her simple words Luka could sense she was somehow going to look out for him as well.
Family.
Je t'aime.
He was treading dangerous ground, letting Chance and her mother in to his heart like this, but Luka didn't care. They had become a sort family during those long, frightening days in Matenda, and he didn't want to lose that feeling. Chance had touched his heart in so many ways, and he wanted--no, needed to make sure she would be okay. It was a tall order; so many things could go wrong still, but she had already made it through the toughest part. And when Charles came back, Luka would speak to him about getting a prosthesis for her. So much to do, so much to do, he thought. And I need to find Gillian.
Je t'aime.
They were Gillian's words, but they described his feelings for Chance, too.
Je t'aime.
He hadn't dared to feel love in Chicago, hadn't dared let anyone get that close, not even Abby. And now, here in the Congo, with danger and death all around, here he had let not one but two into his heart. My God. If only they feel the same way....
"I have to go now," Luka said suddenly. He longed to be with Gillian, yet it was hard to leave Chance. "I'll be back tomorrow, I promise. Make sure your Momma has some of this food too, okay, little one?"
"And you will have some too," Zehra told him, blocking his way.
"No, no, that's for you. Miss Gillian is cooking up something special for me." At least I hope she is, he added to himself. He could feel his ears redden as he considered the possibilities. Zehra laughed softly, knowingly.
"Okay, Dr. Luka. I'll let you go--this time." She let him by, and Luka paused at the end of the bed.
"Sleep well, little one," he told Chance.
"I will. Thank you, Dr. Luka." She smiled again and Luka winked at her before turning away, savoring the memory of her smile.
~~~~~~~
"There you are!" Gillian half-scolded him as he came into the dining room. "I thought you'd run off to Matenda again." She was sitting alone at a table facing the door, smoking a cigarette, trying once again to be casual about his presence.
"Actually, I was off seeing my girlfriend," he teased as he sat with one leg on either side of the bench. Gillian's eye flashed with jealousy a moment before she realized whom Luka was talking about. She took a long draw on her cigarette and turned her head to stare into his eyes as she slowly exhaled the smoke.
"So--did you think of me while you were with her in Matenda?"
"All the time," he answered honestly. Gillian smiled slightly and took another puff on her cigarette. Luka wasn't sure, but she almost seemed disappointed that he wouldn't play her game. Or afraid--afraid that she said too much last night, afraid I don't feel the same way about her.
"How is the girl?" she asked before he could say anything.
"Chance?" His face lit up as he talked about her. "She's doing well. No sign of infection, the wound is healing nicely. We need to get her a new leg soon, though."
"We'll send Charles to bring us an orthopedist." Gillian stubbed out her cigarette and smiled at him again. "Are you hungry? Because I'm starving."
"Me too. What did you have in mind?" She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "I mean to eat," he added.
"So do I," she half-whispered.
"I missed you," he whispered back, leaning closer. She turned slightly on the bench and tilted her head, inviting his kiss. Their lips were about to touch when a familiar voice interrupted them.
"Ah, there you are, Dr. Luka." It was Charles, back from Kinshasa. "Sorry to disturb you, but I have new doctors, and fresh medicines, and more supplies. And the sooner we check them all in, the sooner you can get back to what you are doing."
"I think he delights in keeping us apart," Gillian whispered, glaring at Charles' back as he went out the door, heading for the compound.
"He's just jealous because I have the most attractive, most intriguing woman in all of Africa," Luka replied. God, I want you so much! he whispered. He kissed her and then reluctantly followed Charles outside. Charles stopped just outside the door and looked around to see if anyone was listening.
"There was no word about a new director," Charles told Luka in a low voice. "This is all they sent." He gave Luka a letter, addressed to Charles, and Luka started reading through it.
"We understand your situation?" Luka exclaimed, quoting the letter. He looked at Charles. "Why don't I believe them? Damn bureaucrats." Charles could only shrug his agreement, and Luka kept reading, growing more upset and concerned as he went on. "With the volatile situation in the Congo it may difficult to find a replacement. Until a decision can be made, we will continue to send supplies and volunteers." Luka looked at Charles again. "Does that mean they're thinking of closing us down?"
"I don't know. I wasn’t able to actually talk with anyone," Charles said. "But I'm not optimistic."
"But this hospital is the only place where these people can receive any medical care!"
"You don't have to tell me,” Charles said, a tinge of anger in his voice. "Medicines wouldn't be the first organization to leave here."
"And the innocents are the ones who will suffer."
"Perhaps if they can find someone as dedicated as Angelique they will keep us open." Charles looked up at Luka, who was gazing around the compound. "But if they can't..."
All these people, Luka thought, who only want to see their families, their children happy and healthy. He thoughts turned to Chance, and to Paskal, and all the others. What will happen to them?
"They did send us some more vaccines," Charles announced, changing the subject as he walked to the Jeep.
"We'll have to set up a clinic here," Luka said, half to himself. "The clinic at Matenda is completely wiped out."
Charles nodded and handed him some boxes. "Look."
"Erythromycin?" Luka exclaimed.
"And some Zythromax as well," Charles added. "Gifts from Dr. Carter."
"I see he's still trying to save the world." Gillian had appeared out of nowhere; she took her share of boxes and followed Luka back to the storage area of the hospital.
"Nothing wrong with trying to help." Luka held the door to the storage room open. Patrique was waiting for them.
"I'm glad he left," Gillian said as she handed the precious containers to Patrique, who carefully logged their contents before stacking them on a shelf.
"What?" Luka had assumed that Gillian liked Carter--perhaps a little too much.
"He's a nice guy," Gillian explained, "but this place was eating him alive. You could see it in his eyes. Nothing in his life prepared him for what he saw here." She took Luka's arm as they walked back out to get the rest of the supplies. "He's not used to this much pain," she added softly.
And we are, Luka thought. And we are. He squeezed her hand to let her know he understood. I can't wait to be done with this, Luka thought, picking up another stack of boxes, there's so much we need to talk about. So very much.