The nurse interrupted Luka's torment.

"Dr. Kovac," she said gently, "Are you in pain?" Again they ask me, Luka thought. Can't they tell? His side, his leg, throbbed- everything hurt. And his mind was swirling, swirling, looking for some place safe, some place where he could just live in peace...

The pills the nurse brought him deadened his pain, deadened his mind, and Luka floated off into a peaceful oblivion, a place of blissful nothingness- for a while.

But when Luka woke up, Radic was standing at the end of his bed.

"Well, Janko," Radic said with a smile. "You look surprised to see me. Surely you knew I'd come." Just not so soon, Luka thought, not so soon... Radic circled the bed, coming ever closer.

You know, Janko, I really like America," Radic hissed, "No one here knows my- shall we say, 'war record'. Except for you Janko, except for you." Luka knew he was in danger; he tried to get up, tried to escape, but he couldn't. Suddenly he realized he was handcuffed to the bed; the police must have come during the night, must have realized he'd been lying about Karel, about his past- Radic must have told them the truth. Luka tried to find the call button; he didn't want to be alone with this man, but the button was gone too.

"What do you want, Gregor?" Luka shouted, hoping the nurse or the orderly or anyone would hear him, would come to see what the commotion was. But Radic just laughed.

"No one can hear you, Janko. You're all alone. Alone." Radic smiled cruelly and bent closer. "Even if they could hear you, do you think they'd come? No one cares about a murderer, Janko. No one cares if a murderer dies." Luka fought to hide his emotions; he didn't want Radic to see how afraid, how vulnerable he truly was.

"But I didn't mean to," Luka protested, but Radic cut him off.

"Didn't mean to what- shot that man six times? Or was it seven? Just an accident, right? Just doing what Karel told you?" Radic smiled evilly and continued in his sinister whisper.

"Or do you mean your family, Janko? You didn't mean to leave them alone, didn't mean to leave them in danger while you were at a party, huh?" Radic laughed again. "But I notice they're dead, too, Janko. So many people dead when you didn't mean to."

"No, please," Luka pleaded, "I didn't- it was Karel's fault. Karel..."

"Ah, poor Karel," Radic scoffed. "It seems you killed him, too, Janko. People around you seem to end up dead, you know? Not that Karel didn't deserve it. He never could get a job done right. Now, I'll have to finish you myself."

Suddenly Radic had a huge butcher knife; He came swiftly at Luka. Luka couldn't move, he was tied to the bed; he saw Radic raise the knife, but couldn't feel it, couldn't tell where he was cut. All Luka saw was the blood flowing everywhere, covering the floor, rising up as if to drown him. The knife flashed again and again; it seemed to get larger and larger, Radic seemed to get bigger and bigger; and Luka felt himself shrinking, shrinking, getting smaller and smaller, as Radic laughed at all the blood...

"Dr. Kovac," someone called, "Dr. Kovac, wake up!" Luka forced his eyes open. Radic was gone, the blood was gone, the room looked just the same as it always had. He lifted his arms- there were no handcuffs, no restraints.

"You were having a nightmare," the nurse-what was her name? Tina? Told him gently. If only she knew, Luka thought. His heart was still pounding, his head was still spinning, his side and leg throbbed with now-familiar pain.

"You were shouting something," Tina went on, "But I couldn't understand it. But you seemed very- afraid." Luka just sighed; he felt the blood rising again, the boxes of memories rattled loudly; his whole world seemed to be the nightmare.

"I- don't remember," he lied, his voice hoarse. He tried to push the dream away, tried to escape, but he knew it was futile. He was totally alone, and he could never fight the demons off by himself. Tina brought him some water. She still cares, at least professionally, Luka thought- that was something. She leaned across him to fix his blanket, and he noticed she was wearing earrings in the shape of the cross; it was almost like a sign- he knew what he needed, and now. He grabbed Tina's arm.

"I never talked to a priest," he told her. "I really need to talk to Father Leo right away. Can you call him- please, can you call him?" Luka knew he sounded desperate, and he was- he needed to tell someone the whole truth, needed the guidance of the Church, needed to know if there was any hope for his soul. If God hadn't turned His back on him already...

"Okay," Tina promised him, taking back her arm, "I'll call him before I go home."

"No," Luka insisted, "Now! I need to talk to him now!"

"But it's three in the morning," Tina pointed out.

"He'll understand," Luka pleaded. "Please- just call him. I have to talk to him now." His whole life depended on this. He had to know if there was any chance of God understanding, any chance of forgiveness. He could tell Tina was concerned by how agitated he was.

"I'll call him now," she said reluctantly, "But it may take him a while to get here. So I want you to try and rest."

Luka lay back, trying to catch his breath. He closed his eyes, knowing he couldn't relax; instantly, Karel and Radic danced before him, an unholy alliance mocking him.

"So you've called a priest, huh?" They laughed. "Do you really think he'll help you? Do you really think God still cares about you, Janko? Don't you know you've committed too many sins?" Luka tried to think of something else; he saw Emma and the children. He reached out for them, but Emma turned the children away.

"You failed us," she said sadly, and the three walked away from him, leaving a trail of blood and tears. Karel laughed even louder, and blocked Luka's way when he tried to follow his family.

"They're mine, now, Janko," Karel sneered. "All of them." Luka felt his anger rise with his pain. "So, Janko, how does it feel, knowing I was the last to have Emma, huh? How does it feel to know that I was the last thing she saw?" Luka tried to grab Karel but his hands passed right through Karel's body.

"Oh, Janko," Karel laughed, "You can't kill a ghost, Janko. I guess you'll just have to go out and murder someone else instead, huh, Janko?" It was impossible to think of anything else, of anyone else- just Karel and Radic, mocking him, tormenting him. He opened his eyes and stared at the clock, concentrating on the second hand to keep the visions away.

Father Leo arrived a little before four, looking none too happy at being dragged out of bed. But when he saw how distraught Luka seemed, his face softened. Tina left them, carefully closing the door to ensure their privacy; and Luka told the priest his story. He told him everything, starting with Croatia and how happy he'd been with his wife, with his family; then about the party and coming home to an empty house; the horror of the pit; the farmhouse raid and running away; and penance, and lying, and running, always running... And he told how Radic found him, how Karel found him, of the pain that Karel heaped upon him, the guilt that Karel added to, though it was his own fault, his own guilt. The words tumbled out, despite Luka's exhaustion, despite his pain. The priest listened carefully, patiently, to all the horrors that this man before him had lived through, wondering if he would ever be able to truly help this tortured soul.

Finally Luka was finished, completely worn out by all he had revealed. He had laid all his secrets, all his shame before God; now he waited, not knowing yet what God's answer would be.

"Is there any hope for me, Father?" Luka asked with quiet desperation. "Is there any hope that God will forgive me, and let me be with my family again?" That was all he really wanted- to be with Emma and the kids again, for them to be together again. It was all they had ever really wanted, to be a family. It was impossible on Earth, and Luka feared that, because of *his* mistakes, it would be impossible in Heaven, as well.

Father Leo picked his words carefully, doing his best to console Luka while not minimizing what he had done. He reminded Luka of God's forgiveness; it was obvious to the priest that, despite his deeds, Luka was no murderer- there was too much torment, too much remorse.

"You must trust in God," Father Leo told him. "You must put yourself in His hands, and do what you know He would have you do. You have been led astray in the past- now you must pray for guidance, for forgiveness. You must ask Our Lady for help."

So they prayed together for along time- it was more important to Luka than sleep, despite his exhaustion. Sleep helped only the body; these prayers were for his very soul.

Tina came back a little after six, tentatively knocking before Father Leo let her in. The priest stayed while she went about her work; she said nothing about Luka's lack of sleep, despite her concern. But Tina had seen Luka's deportation earlier, and could tell that he was calmer now, that the priest had helped him some how; and she knew that peace of mind was as important to recovery as rest. She worked quickly, sensing that the two weren't finished yet.

"Thank you, Father," Luka said after she left, his relief showing through his exhaustion. Luka's guilt was far from gone, he still had demons to battle, but now he knew that God hadn't turned his back on him, he knew that he could call on Mary for Her help. The Blessed Mother could help him control his memories, control his pain, could help him fight his tormenters.

"You must be careful not to let your anger lead you," Father Leo warned. "Anger blinds you to what the Lord wants- it is the door the Devil uses to reach you. So watch out when your anger comes." Luka nodded; he understood what the Father meant. It had been anger that caused him to listen to Karel, anger that had lead him to the farmhouse, anger at himself that had caused him to lie to hide his shame... The priest gave him a final blessing.

"I'll be back this evening," Father Leo promised. "After you've had chance to rest. There's still much we need to discuss, my son." Luka nodded.

"Yes, Father," Luka whispered gratefully. He slumped back into the bed as the priest left, utterly spent yet freer somehow, confident in his ability to face his life again.

"Luka?" Mechael was standing at the door, looking worried; she hurried over to him. "I saw the priest, and I was afraid that something- something had gone wrong." Luka shook his head; she couldn't be farther from the truth. And what was she doing here, anyway?

"I thought I told you to stay away from me," Luka said tiredly. Mecheal brushed back his hair.

"I couldn't let you face that man alone," she told him, meaning Radic.

"But I'm not alone," Luka assured her; Father Leo's words were still fresh in his mind. "God is on my side. He will surely help me." Luka felt more peaceful than he had in a long time. But Mecheal was staring at him, not willing to believe what she had just heard. She seemed ready to say something, but changed her mind. She took a deep breath and looked away from him instead.

"I'm- glad you- could find some- help- there," she said unconvincingly. Luka watched her through half-closed eyes, wondering why she had come back, why she insisted on seeing him. Maybe she's just lonely, he thought, lonely and afraid. But what does she expect from me? Certainly she can see I have enough troubles of my own. And her reaction when he told her about his belief in God's help... it puzzled him.

"You should go now, " Luka told her firmly. "It's not safe for you to be here." He closed his eyes; he was just so tired. Her heard Mecheal leave, but he knew he really wasn't alone. He could see the Blessed Mother there to help him, and he smiled as he drifted back to sleep. Suddenly the pain didn't seem so bad; he would be able to get through all this, and someday, someday, he would be with his family again. And that was all that mattered...

To part 9

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