Morning had come too soon, yet not soon enough. Luka's nightmares had been relentless: Karel and Emma; Karel and the kids; Karel and blood, lots and lots of blood. Karel was laughing and dancing in the blood of Luka's family, taunting him, mocking him. Luka tried to stop him, tried to end Karel's laughter and jeering; he shot him again and again, but Karel refused to die.

"Oh, Janko," he sneered, "Don't you know you can't kill me? You can't kill the devil, Janko!" And still Karel laughed as he took everything Luka had held dear, took everything he'd loved, anything Luka had ever cared about. Karel came to Chicago to destroy me, Luka thought. He'd be happy to know he had succeeded.

Tina woke Luka at the end of her shift; she apologized about needing to check his vitals, but Luka was glad to be awake. It kept him away from Karel...

Then Mecheal came to visit just after seven.

"I wanted to see how you were doing before I went home," she explained. "You had us worried last night."

"The doctor hasn't been by yet," Luka answered tiredly; he just wanted to be left alone. He closed his eyes, hoping that Mecheal would take the hint and leave, but instead she came over to the bed.

"They let me in because I'm just another nurse to them," she told him, and Luka suddenly realized she was speaking not in English, but in Croatian. "I don't know exactly what happened between you and Karel Blaskic," she continued in a whisper, "But I'm glad you killed him. That dog deserved to die." Luka looked at Mecheal in surprise; he had never guessed she was Croatian, she had never mentioned it the few times they had worked together. She smiled at him warmly, but her dark eyes had a hard glint to them he hadn't noticed before. He was about to ask her about Karel, about how she'd known him, when the doctor came in.

"I'm glad to see you're okay," Mecheal said, using English again. "I'll come back tonight before my shift and check on you then. Now I have to get home to my boy." And she was gone, leaving Luka more confused than ever. He tried to figure out if he had known her, if perhaps they had worked together some place in Croatia, but he couldn't think of any. And how did she know Karel, Luka wondered. Had she heard about his exploits? Or had someone she known been like his family, been one of Karel's victims?

"Dr. Kovac," Dr. Lifton was saying, "I asked how you were feeling this morning." Luka shook his head- it was amazing to him how easily he became lost in his thoughts.

"Not too bad," he answered, his voice hoarse. Why did hospitals have to be so dry? He needed a drink.

"You gave us quite a scare last night," she told him "We had a hard time bringing you around." Maybe because I didn't want you to bring me around, Luka thought angrily. Didn't you ever think it might be kinder to let me die? He closed his eyes again, thinking of Emma and Viktor and Maja, so far away, waiting for him to join them. He had to fight to control his emotions, to keep the tears inside.

"Well, you're a lucky man," Lifton continued, "A few more minutes, and it might have been worse."

"The train came too early, huh?" Luka sighed. He had been so close to the end of his pain, so close to his family...

"Yes, just in time," Lifton answered. Either she wasn't really listening to him, or she misunderstood, Luka thought. She just didn't get it- his world had crumbled again, but nobody seemed to have noticed.

Lifton chattered away as she check his wounds, explaining his injuries; then removed his Foley.

"That should be more comfortable, anyway," she told him with a smile, but Luka didn't care; it just didn't matter any more. All he could hear was Karel's voice echoing in his mind, taunting him still.

"Hey, Janko," Karel called, "You know that man you killed was innocent! Hey Janko! You're kids were easy to kill, Janko! And you're Emma- I loved how she fought me- made it more exciting!" Dr. Lifton saw the look on Luka's face.

"Are you in pain?" she asked.

"A little," Luka admitted. But he couldn't tell her his true pain, the terrible ache in his heart.

"Okay, I'll get you something more for that." Lifton hesitated a moment. "Dr. Kovac," she said carefully, "Would you like to talk to someone from the psych department? You've been through a terrible ordeal, and it might help for you to talk with someone." Luka sighed; he doubted that any psych resident would be able to deal with what he he'd been through.

"I'd rather see my priest," Luka told her quietly. He needed to explain himself, explain to God why he'd done what he did, he needed to get God's forgiveness, if that where possible... Lifton nodded that she understood.

"We'll take care of that for you. Now I want you to have some breakfast. And I have to remind you that the police are waiting to see you." Luka glanced at the door- an officer was standing guard; whether to keep him in or to keep others out, he wasn't sure.

"Okay," Luka said resignedly. "But I need to have some water first."

"You're sure you're up to talking with them?" Lifton asked; Luka nodded. "Do you want to call a lawyer first?"

"I have nothing to hide," Luka assured her. He just wanted to get this over with.

"Well, first you're going to have some breakfast," Lifton insisted. "Then, and only then, will I let you speak to the detective."

The nurse brought him a tray, and Luka ate what was on it without enjoyment; the food had no taste. And still Karel's voice came to him, laughing, mocking.

"Oh, Janko! Look what you've done. See the trouble the great Dr. Pavic has gotten into!" Suddenly a thought came to Luka- perhaps he could keep his past hidden, perhaps he would be able to stay in Chicago after all. Karel had insisted on calling him "Janko Pavic". But Janko Pavic was long gone; he had disappeared in Croatia almost five years ago. Janko had known Karel, but "Luka Kovac" had never met the man until last night, he was a victim of mistaken identity. Karel had been blinded by a desire for vengeance, had tried to kill the wrong person...

It was easy to lie to the police detective; Luka had been lying for a long time, he knew the "life" of Luka Kovac by heart now. Detective Sullivan had seemed skeptical at first, but Luka knew all the details would prove true. It was clearly a case of self-defense, a case of defending himself against a madman; good Dr. Kovac would never have any other reason to kill anyone...

The questioning left Luka exhausted; he drifted into another dream filled sleep when the detective left. This time the nightmares included Mecheal; she was cheering him on, urging him to kill Karel; excited when Karel's blood started to flow. But why was she there? Why?

The nurse, Pat, woke him for lunch. Luka ate because he had to; he knew if he were going to fight through this he'd need his strength. After he was done a huge orderly showed up.

"Time for your walk, Doc," the man told him, "Doctor's orders." Luka just rolled his eyes; he was still so tired. The ghosts weren't letting him rest, and now the doctor wasn't, either. Pat came back in the room.

"Almost forgot," she told him. "A Kerry Weaver dropped by while you were asleep- she left this for you." The nurse handed him a Neiman-Marcus bag; he opened it to find a navy blue robe and a note.

"I'm sorry I missed you," the note read. "Thought you might need this. Get better soon- County needs you. Kerry." Just like Kerry to bring something practical. Someone else might have stuck with flowers, but Kerry wanted to make sure his backside was covered. He almost smiled as he pictured her in the store, agonizing over size and style. At least she hadn't tried for underwear- the thought of Kerry debating over boxers or briefs made him chuckle, and for a moment he forgot his troubles.

"Okay, Doc, forget the girlfriend and let old Mike here get you outta bed," the orderly said. Mike helped him to his feet; Luka couldn't believe how light-headed he felt.

"You let me know when you've had enough," Mike told him. "I don't need you passing out on me." The walked slowly across the room to the window, and Luka stood looking at the city. The sun was shining brightly, melting the yesterday's snow, leaving great puddles for the cars to splash through. A plane caught his eye, heading away from Chicago, and Luka pictured himself on it, flying far away from here, far away from Karel. But he knew that now matter how hard he tried, he could never escape from himself; he could never escape from his memories.

Luka took a deep breath, and then they walked over to the bathroom. Mike waited for him to finish, and then helped Luka back to the bed. Luka wasn't used to relying on someone else, he had been alone for so long. But it was good to have Mike to lean on; it was just so hard to keep going.

"Okay, Doc," Mike told him gently, "You rest for a bit. I'll get the nurse and let her check you out again." Luka lay back in his bed; his leg was really throbbing again. Pat appeared quickly to look at his leg and side.

"Are you in much pain?" she asked, and Luka nodded. "Dr. Lifton increased your morphine a bit; we'll see if that helps, ok?" Luka drifted into a dreamless sleep; he floated in nothingness, free from pain, free from memories, at peace for a while. When he woke up, a new nurse was on duty.

"Hi, I'm Mary," she said. "Did you get some rest?"

"Yes, finally," Luka answered. "What time is it?

"Just after five- you were out a good four hours." That was good, Luka thought. He felt more himself, more in control. It was time to start filing his memories away again, time to start rebuilding his boxes.

"Let me get you your dinner," Mary offered.

"Okay," Luka answered, his mind busy. Karel kept trying to push his way into Luka's thoughts, but he had the strength the push him away- at least for now.

After dinner, they made him take another walk. The new orderly was much smaller than Mike, but Luka felt stronger now; he had his emotions securely locked away again and that helped him deal with his physical problems. His leg still hurt with every step, the pain shot through his body, but now he could fight it off. They ventured into the hall; Luka was surprised to see that the police officer was gone- they must have believed his story. Things were definitely going better.

Luka limbed back into bed, tired but satisfied with himself. He was going to beat this; his despair was turning into anger, and that made him feel stronger; he felt like he could face almost anything.

"Hi, Luka." Carol Hathaway had come to visit. She hesitated at the door, trying to gage Luka's mood.

"Hey, Carol, come on in," he called, trying to sound cheerful. He was even able to smile.

"Well, you don't look so bad," Carol told him, making him wonder what Kerry had said to everyone. "How are you feeling?"

"Almost human," he answered. "Still a little tired, though." Carol smiled and handed him a bag.

"I brought you some toiletries," she explained. "I know that the stuff the hospitals give out isn't very good." Luka wasn't quite sure what "toiletries" were; he looked in the bag and saw she had gotten him a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, dental floss.

"Thanks, Carol," he said, genuinely pleased.

"You're getting quite a beard there," she teased. Luka realized he hadn't shaved since the previous morning; he must be looking pretty scruffy.

"What, you don't like it?" He asked, "I was going for a new look." Carol just shook her head; then her look turned serious.

"I thought you'd like to know the police were poking around at County," Carol told him quietly. Luka had known they would be there; they had to check his story.

"Doesn't worry me, " Luka told her. "That guy followed me from there. I guess they had to check it out." He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, chasing Karel away again; his hand reached unconsciously for his side.

"It was really weird," Carol continued. "The cops kept asking if anyone had ever heard the name Janko Pavic before."

"Janko Pavic?" came a voice from the door. Luka looked up and saw Mecheal standing there; she was eyeing him the way Karel had; and he suddenly knew that she recognized him from Croatia. Just when he thought his secrets were safe...

To part 7

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