Jude
Finale by Vicki
Judith Baker
searched through out the hospital, trying to find Luka Kovac. She
couldnt find him but she was not giving up. Randi told her
what she needed to hear. Dr. Kovac was over at Doc Magoos
getting something to eat before he headed home for the night.
Jude grabbed her coat from her locker, gathered her courage and
will, filled her heart with them both, and set out to change what
would be the rest of her life.
Through all the
turmoil in her life, Jude found a tiny capsule of courage in her
soul to try, what was there for her to lose. Her heart? She had
lost that before and survived. Her soul? Devastated but repaired.
Her mind? Touched but mended. What did she have to lose? Her
life? Not a chance, shes almost lost it once before and she
had pulled through. She had found strength in Kerrys words
and kindness and her mothers memories, and survived. What
did she have to lose if she didnt take a chance? Luka
Kovac. His love and his life and as she walked into Doc Magoos,
saw him sitting there and went to him, she was determined to make
sure she would never lose either again.
His strong will
abundant. He had a plan. He would not let Jude Baker back into
his heart under any circumstances. He looked into her eyes and
lost himself there immediately. His planned failed him miserably.
Stab me in
the heart Jude, I bleed. Luka snapped, and Judes
sorrow unexpectedly weaved his soul with sadness. He didnt
want it to but it did. He didnt want to give into her sweet
smile and innocent eyes so easily but felt he was. She didnt
know what to say. Her mind full of words, her heart full of
emotions. Her whispered words were not heard. She lost herself to
him and his gentle presence and he tried to ignore her.
Whats
this? asked Jude touching the whiskers growing on his chin.
She tried to pretend nothing had happened between them, both
their hearts knew different. He pulled away before he had to feel
her gentle fingers on his face. A beard.
Is that
what it is. Jude joked with him; he was not impressed with
her. She had broken his heart and now she was making fun of him.
Oh God it was just a joke. He couldnt believe
she could make jokes at a time like this. The day had been long
and hard. The night complicated. He risked his life. He lost a
patient. His heart lay broken. Jude continued to plague his mind
and now she sit close to him, their arms brushing up against each
other, the pleasure of feeling her again was so intense Luka
could feel himself go weak, and his legs begin to tremble.
I think it
makes him look very sexy. complemented Trish, a customer
sitting on the other side of Luka, who had heard the whole
conversation. She was a woman who had finished visiting her
mother at the hospital. Luka smiled in embarrassment. Jude was
not impressed. First Jenny Adams and now a complete stranger. She
didnt care for either. She knew women would throw
themselves at him. He was a good-looking man, smart, funny
sometimes, a man who was a gentle giver and tender lover. She
only cared for Luka and she would fight for him now until she
bled.
What?
asked Trish.
You think
he looks sexy with a beard, you should see him without one.
Trish defeated, finished her dinner, and left them to it; obvious
to her they were lovers, trying to get through a bad patch in
their relationship.
Luka looked at
Jude, she looked back. Admiration envelope inside his heart. He
could see how hard she was trying to make amends. He feared
opening his heart to her again would destroy him. He got out his
money from his jacket pocket and left it on the counter for his
bill, and with no more words, he got up and walked out. Oh
come on. Jude couldnt believe he was just walking
out. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to make him hers
forever. She would not give up. What was she suppose to do now?
She knew. She got off her seat and rushed after him.
Luka!
she yelled after him, as she came out the door.
What Jude,
what? he waited. He wanted an explanation. He wanted to
know why she did this to him. Why she broke his heart.
You wouldnt
understand. Jude pleaded with his sense of fairness. She
needed a chance to explain, to tell him everything her mind was
overflowing with.
Try me
Jude, he suddenly remembered, Oh thats right,
you already did. Luka snapped. He briskly walked away so
that he didnt have to get caught with her any longer. All
she could do was stand there, watching him walk away for the
second time today, and feel the ache in her heart. This was not
going to be easy. He was going to make her fight and fight she
would, until he was in her life and she was in his.
Luka felt having
Jude in his life right now was an illusion he dreamt up in his
mind, and a strong turbulence stir in his spirit. She had tried
to talk to him at Doc Magoos and he had coldly dismissed
her and walked away. Stupid. His heart suddenly sank
deeper into panic. Why did he not step up and offer a compromise.
Why had he not risked his life and his love to her? He knew why.
He was terrified of the torment he would whether had he had to
lose her all over again.
****
The moonlight
came through the drawn curtains. Luka sat in the dark. Vodka on
the table half drunken from the bottle. His hair wind swept. He
had decided to walk home instead of catching the El. He needed to
clear his head and think seriously about where his life was right
now, where he wanted to go, and if he was willing to let Jude go
with him. His jacket and tie left where he dropped them on the
floor. His eyes tired. His soul worn.
He had done
everything he could to save Joshua Black, risked his own life.
Stood in the middle of the street surrounded by gunfire. Memories
of his life in the war and of those he had lost seep into his
already overwhelmed mind, but the boy had succumbed to his
injuries. His wounds far too severe for anyone to survive. Luka
drowned his sorrow of his day and his life in another big swig
from the Vodka bottle, and had no way of keeping his thoughts
away from Jude. It severed him to his soul to be this way to her,
but he had his heart to shelter. He could think of nothing else
but be rude and cold to her to keep her away from his heart and
his soul, but it hadnt worked. She still lived there as
passionately as she did the moment he saw her. He hated himself
for being mean to her and he knew he had a decision to make. Did
he want to continue to be a bastard to her, so she would
eventually give up and leave his heart to mend or risk his heart
and his love and take her back giving her a second chance, hoping
she didnt violently walk out again, so he could make a life
with her. His heart was torn, his mind lost, his soul craving to
find the right answer.
He wished he hadnt
met her. He wished he hadnt let her into his heart almost
immediately after coming into his life. He wished he hadnt
fallen madly in love with her. He was lying to himself. Of
course, he didnt wish any of it. He couldnt imagine
Jude not being in his life and Jude not being his life. He knew
he had already made his decision.
She was the
happiness he had lost after the death of his family.
**In the
still of the night, the baby no longer cries, sorrowed tears
fallen, heartbreak bellowed and softly lies. His soft breath
ceases. His one sweet dream forever remains. Heavens angels
took him in their gentle light; he took their hands and felt not
the slightest pains. - Marco Kovac.**
He was almost on
the brink of stepping over into a place where he would never find
the strength to survive. He wanted to retreat back into a life
which had been gentle and kind to his heart, and distract his
feelings from the sadness in his life but he didnt get what
he wanted.
She had been an angel, who had eclipsed his life with such
pleasure and pain. Her eyes his pleasure, her fear of riding out
the storms in her life his pain. He lingered in an abyss of
prophecy and protection. He was all to aware he would need to
protect himself from the events he predicted was about to happen
in his life without Jude.
Luka engaged his
thoughts to something else; he could no longer bear her celestial
being surpassing everything else that existed in his life. His
work. His friends. Suddenly her sweet smile transcended over all
else, he gave in, he gave up, he conceded to it. The carnage she
had set upon his being slowly begun to fade, and faith surface to
his life. Suddenly he wasnt afraid to explore all the
possibilities of what lay ahead in his future. A partner. A
lover. A friend. He had welcomed a beautiful creature to his
kingdom, and knew he would support her through all the times that
judged her. All the memories that haunted her. Rage against all
who were cruel and unkind to her life. Brave her unsettle sleep
and insecure wake. He would tower her with his castle of wise and
wishes. Favor her with success and bind her with exhilaration.
Applaud her devotion to all she loved and store away from her
heart all that she didnt.
Luka lounged back
in the couch and emphasized on all the moments he spent with her
that embraced his heart and his life with love and passion and
happiness, discarding all the ones that hadnt,
realizing he could survive all her bad, her nightmares, her fear.
He had his love for her, his faith and his hope to help him, and
fell slowly to sleep, hearing a soft tapping at his door.
****
A canyon of love
hold her heart so tightly, Jude had the will to take upon her
life all, which was Luka Kovac. She took her humane host, and his
trusted soul within her sanctuary of love and lust, fire and
fiery and entomb them away from her turmoil and unrest. She
accepted the certainty of knowing, she was willing to give her
heart to him and inhabit the trivial, the urgent, the learning,
the telling, and the told of what was his life.
Jude gallantly
broke the barrier canvassing her heart and spirit for so long,
and made them absent from her existence, along with her fear and
her father. She set out to rebuild the bridge that had broken
down between her and her beloved, and give no excuses just
reasons to why they were better together than torn apart. Her
willed heart, bloom with passion and power and she stepped
forward to cement her life within his and celebrated what she
prayed Luka allowed her life to be.
She tossed away
her river of tears, no longer needed to be cried. Her enslaved
memories of her father no longer needed to be relived. Her
devastating past no longer needed to be remembered. Freed her
mind, filled her heart, locked her soul tight with the love he
had shown her and had a sudden moment of insight.
**During
a night of gift and giving, showing and sharing, a new baby was
conceived by two gentle lovers. Anya Kovac was not too far from
home. The Croatian accent and dark beautiful eyes came from her
father, Luka, and her strong will and passion even at 5 years old
were strengths she inherited from her mother, Jude.**
Jude, her nerves
steady, her vision clear, her mind tranquil stood outside Lukas
apartment door determined to make a life with him. She didnt
need a deep breath, she didnt need to calm her heart, or
rest her soul. She had endured a life of temper and torment and
she had been rescued. Her heart bludgeoned and barricaded but it
had been touched. Her mind ridiculed and slumbered often into
nightmares but she had overcome. She took the responsibility of
her actions, raised her folded fist to his door, softly tapping
she searched out to find the forgiveness she needed, the
understanding she wanted, and the love she loved with all her
heart and soul.
****
Are you mad
at me because I walked away, or are you mad at me because I
walked away and you slept with Jenny Adams? Luka was
surprised at her question. What was she talking about? He hadnt
slept with anyone except the woman he loved.
You should
think less and do more with your time then to believe anything
that woman says, said Luka.
So you didnt
sleep with her?
He didnt
answer. He needed her to trust him. She didnt need to hear
his words, she trusted him with everything that she was. She
yearned for the closeness she had always felt from him. He had
enchanted her and she looked forward to the moments in his day
that made him smile, the days he was untouched by anger or
insults. She embraced the times she found herself looking into
his dark beautiful eyes only ever seeing perfection reflecting
there.
I love you.
She could say the words easily now. She wasnt afraid of
what they meant and where they would take her. Luka reluctantly
let himself be touched by her smile.
No you dont,
Jude. She closed her eyes for a brief moment that in a way
expressed her sadness that he didnt believe what her heart
felt.
I love you,
Luka, she spoke the words softly, she was not giving up. He
could fight, yell, call her names, but she was not leaving. Her
life stood in front of her with pride in his heart, and she would
take it, and rejoice in it, and love it, always, Do you,
still love me? She was direct and straight to the point;
she had no time to waste. She had a love to concur. He knew the
answer, he had always known, and always would. He could no longer
deny himself of Jude Baker. She was his life. Intense. Scared.
Growing. Luka did not want to yield to her heart, her love, her
spirit but he faulted, and why would he not. He loved this woman
with all his heart and soul, and could find no way of stopping
what he felt, and no longer did he want to. Was it this easy? Was
it this simple? Walking in and standing there beautiful as ever,
talking words of love, being forgiven just like that. Yes it was.
Sometimes it wasnt, and Luka didnt worry his mind
with what wasnt, but what was.
Before he could
speak, before she heard words from his lips that she feared, she
stood on the tips of her toes and lent forward, she looked
innocently into his eyes and he couldnt resist them. She
took it upon herself to be his giver, and softly kissed him,
promising everything. He instantly pulled away, What are
you doing?
You told me
to think less and do more. I thought less and, did more. He
stood for a moment finding his balance and letting his heart
adjust to the impact she had just placed upon him.
Im
sorry for everything, Luka. I didnt mean hurt to you. I ran
away because I was afraid of a past that I suddenly realized I
didnt have to be afraid of anymore. Im alive, and I
am happiest when I with you. You can tell me to go and not let me
back into your life, or your heart, but I will still want you,
and I will still love you. I will love you, always, and Im
sorry, Jude apologized profusely, and she didnt need
to, he had already forgiven her. He had forgiven her the moment
he saw her standing in the trauma room earlier today, showing him
she loved him. He had forgiven her the moment he opened his door
and saw her standing there pride in her eyes, truth within her
heart. He had forgiven her the moment she told him what her heart
felt, I love you. She kissed him again, and he didnt
resist. He didnt contest. Their kiss warm, long, and
loving. A shiver ran down his spine, it was everything he had
remembered it to be. Wet. Soft. Forever. Their kiss, fell into a
hug. His warm arms wrapped her to his chest like she had never
left. Her soft calm breath on the side of his neck was the heaven
he recognized. I didnt sleep with her. Luka
whispered in her ear, and he felt her heart beat next to his,
with undying commitment.
With who?
With Jenny.
Jenny who?
She no longer existed to either of them. She was a forgotten
nightmare that had already past.
I didnt
sleep with her. His expression was full of enthusiasm of
where they were to go from here.
I know.
She did know. She could see the truth where she always saw it.
She was happy. There was something about Luka that did that to
her. His eyes. His soul. His life.
The dark night
had fallen, the last of winters snow melted slowly over the
streets, and two lovers came together. Jude tasted the flesh that
teased her, his silky skin warm to the touch. She loved the
blissful look that rested on the handsome face looking back. He
shivered in excitement and in ecstasy, electrified by her
fingertips. He adventured into a jungle of erotic pleasure by the
dampened touch of her tongue and the hunger of her body.
Jude wanted to
watch him grow and learn and be the best he could possibly be and
who it was he was destined to become. He wanted to grow old with
her. They lay together holding one another, drifting in and out
of sleep, making love, embodied with hope and faith. Luka found
peace within her existence, and buried himself within the
foundation that slowly began to build between them. Jude caressed
the solace she witnessed from her beloved, and sealed it within
her ocean of feelings and emotions. He was her pillar, she was
his complete. Their love, to have and to hold in earth, and in
heaven.
****
Whistling, the
dawn rose over the horizon. The morning was warmer, and no snow
fell. The daylight cast a shadow over Luka like none ever before.
He woke to the sound of traffic, and the people beginning the
day. He stretched his tired muscles and reached out his long arm
to his beloved. Sorrow, immediately fell across his face. He did
not find her. His heart had no time to break, his soul wither,
his spirit lost, when through tired eyes he saw her. Jude quietly
strolled through the door of his bedroom, trying not to wake him.
Her naked flesh as beautiful as he remembered.
The look on his
face showed what he thought, and what he felt. Im not
going anywhere, Jude laughed as she got back into bed with
him, Youre stuck with me now, lover. She kissed
him hard on the mouth, and he accepted it and he accepted her. He
sat up on the pillows, and Jude lay upon his chest. She was
quiet, too quiet. Her mind wandering through all the moments of
the past six months. Luka interrupted her thoughts, Is
everything okay?
Everythings
fine, but
she hesitated. She hoped he was excited to
hear her news as she had been only a few minutes ago. News that
would again change them. But what?
I need to
tell you something. Her voice serious. Her nerves excited.
Her precious being tingling all over. He could feel the electric
current from her every pore.
Tell me
what? He loved this woman with all of his heart and he
would spend the rest of his long life with her.
Jude spoke no
words, she showed him. She gently took his large hand and softly
laid it upon her flat stomach, that wouldnt be that way for
too much longer and she couldnt wait. Dr. Albright,
Obstetrician, told her what she had already known. She could feel
it. A mothers intuition so to speak. Her eyes gave it away.
Her happiness abundant. Her love for Luka growing stronger with
every second. His eyes lit up. He knew what she was trying to
tell him, and they asked, and her answer, whispered Six
weeks. The first time they made love.
Luka Kovac took
the woman he held in his gentle embrace, and fell in love with
her all over again. Their bond as strong and as special as the
tiny being that grew in her now. He was overcome with joy and
love. Tears came to his eyes. He was going to be a father again.
He would have a child to love and nurture. He couldnt wait.
He loved being a parent. He had rejoiced in being a father twice
before and they had been taken from him in devastating
circumstances, and his love for them, and his late wife, brought
him to this place. A new love. A new life. They had brought him
home.
Jude Baker held
her lover tightly in her arms, and fell in love with him all over
again. Her faith and hope in the man she loved grow as strong as
the baby inside her did. She was complete with happiness and
worship. Joy filled her heart. She was going to be a mother for
the first time in her life, and she couldnt wait. She would
love and cherish her baby, and give it a life it so richly
deserved. Protect her child from the woes and wars of life, and
of living. Encourage her daughter when anguish showed, and
heartbreak crumbled her body. She would open a life of experience
and experiment; of comfort and security to a daughter, she would
unconditionally love always.
For the first
time in her life, Jude was free from her father, thoughts of him
no longer plagued her mind, and the fear no longer strangled her
soul. Happiness and love live in her heart and in her belly, and
her someday finally begun. She had found her place. Her new love.
Her new life. Luka Kovac and his child gently, and lovingly
brought Judith Baker home.