Jude
part 2 by Vicki
“How the
hell are you, Kerry?” asked Jude as she lent on a nearby
gurney and took off her skates. She was a lot shorter and stood
around the same height as Kerry.
“I'm better
now you're here.”
“Sorry about
that, I would have been here sooner, but this kid...” Jude
sighed, still remembering the accident. She had seen the whole
thing from the sidewalk, while she waited to cross the street,
when the lights changed. “At least now I know why I wear
these things instead, “She held up her skates. “Less
chance of getting my head caved in by some drunk.”
“Thank God.”
Kerry agreed she couldn't imagine how she would handle losing
such a good friend.
Kerry instantly
noticed a change in her. A soft kindred spirit reflected from her
eyes, the darkness that shadowed over her from year's past had
almost lifted, and the sorrow fading. The distractions of work
helped, perhaps moving to Chicago had been the right decision for
Jude to make, in this time of her life.
Jude's diary was
her sanctuary, an asylum for her madness, a church for her
confession and prays, a refuge for her torn and broken, a shrine
for her love and obsessions. The only thing in the world apart
from Kerry that truly knew the life of 'Judith Baker.'
**I couldn't
hold my breath any longer. I rose to the surface, to catch the
breath that would save my life. My courage wavered. I could have
easily let myself slip and drown, taking away my heartache and
despair in a single moment and wouldn't have cared, but something
brought me back to the surface. I do not know what it was and do
not have the strength to find out or even question why. – Judith
Baker, 10 years old.**
Jude didn't know
what it was always bringing her back to the surface from death,
Kerry was just glad what it was, was.
“So tell me
something Kerry, who the hell is that guy?”
“Dr. Kovac,
he is an Attending and he's very good.”
“Maybe...maybe
not.” She was kidding and Kerry knew she was. She didn't
know anything about this guy and quite frankly didn't want to.
Jude thought him arrogant, pigheaded, and stubborn, much like she
was.
“He will
take good care of the boy!” Kerry was as reassuring as she
could be. Luka Kovac was a good doctor, and he had done nothing
since starting at County to contradict that fact.
“I want to
follow this through. I promised I would take care of him. I
promised I'd do everything I could to save his leg, and before
you say anything, yes I know I shouldn't have made such a promise
but I wasn't thinking, and....”
“It's all
right,” Kerry cut in. She took Jude's waving hands in her
own, it was one of her nervous habits, biting her nails was
another, “Under the circumstances you did everything you
could to protect him, and your right, you shouldn't have made
that kind of promise, but now we need to leave it up to the
surgeons to do what they can for him.”
“And Kovac
keeps watch over him, right?”
“I think it
would be best, yeah.”
“Yeah,”
She was disappointed, but she trusted Kerry with her life, and
felt if Kerry thought Michael was in good hands, then that's all
there needed to be said on the subject. “Okay. So how about
I clean myself up, you show me around, introduce me to some folks
and I see some patients. We catch up, and I'll go up and check in
on Michael a little later?” hinted Jude; she was not going
to give up on this boy. After all a promise was a promise.
Haleh and Malik
helped Luka transfer Michael to the elevators, to take him up to
surgery. Kerry noticed. “Luka?” She yelled after them.
They both caught up with Dr. Kovac and the nurses as they got to
the elevator.
“His CT scan
was clear, his BP is 128 over 78, respiration's 20. Dr. Benton
and Dr. Lewis from Orthopedics are prepped and post. Op. is ready
to go.”
“Excellent,
take him up.”
“Are you
coming?” Michael could no longer feel the pain from his
injuries. The drugs were helping.
“I can't be
in surgery, but I will be there as soon as you wake up, and I'm
told your Mama's on her way!” She looked at Haleh, hoping
she was not wrong; Haleh's smile reassured her she was not.
“Do not
worry, you're in good hands...” She didn't want to say
Luka's. That was the last thing she was going to do. Saying
something ego boosting about a guy she didn't like, not on her
first day.
“Thank you.”
He was quite calm considering the journey he was about to embark
on in his life. Having your leg reattached was not something that
happened every day and he was handling it very well. The elevator
doors opened. Jude leant down closer to Michael to whisper in his
ear.
“Faith and
hope are found deep within a spirited soul. Don't ever lose
yours!” She winked at him, and he suddenly felt safe and
protected. He was about to put his life into the hands of people
he didn't know, but he trusted Jude and she trusted them.
Her eyes were
clearly the windows to her soul. They showed the truth. They
reflected her questions, her fears, and her horrors of failure.
Jude tried her hardest to keep them hidden deep, and one could
only see them in her green eyes when one found them deeply lost
there, and she didn't give Michael the chance to. She looked
away. She didn't want Michael to see that in a small untouched
cavern of her heart she prayed for him, prayed God would be good
to him and give back what easily could be taken in one single
life-changing moment.
“Take care
of him for me?” asked Jude to Luka, as Kerry held the doors
open for them and they squeezed into the elevator.
“I will.”
This was his promise. He had no idea if Dr. Benton and Dr. Lewis
would be able to save Michael's leg but he would do his best in
keeping the boy alive.
****
The elevator
doors closed and Michael began his journey.
The elevator
doors closed and Dr. Luka Kovac watched over his patient.
The elevator
doors closed and Dr. Jude Baker rested her eyes for a moment. The
noise of the ER hushed, the voices a whisper, the people ghosts.
She knew what it was like to be scared and afraid. She knew what
it was like to ache, suffer, and have her world shattered beyond
repair. Jude knew what it was like not knowing what the future
held or what tomorrow would bring, and she stood here on this day
and made one more promise. She would be there for Michael in his
time of need and recovery, and she would be there for him
whatever the outcome of the next few hours held.
“Come on,
let's grab a coffee, and get you cleaned up.” Kerry took her
arm, entangled it within her own, and led Jude away to the
lounge. They would drink coffee and catch up on the old days. The
good times and those that had been bad, remembering moments of
love and lovers, triumphs and tests. They would talk, and
remember, laugh and cry a little, and before they knew it, time
would pass.
****
The night fell
over Chicago, like a blanket. The moon shined brightly through
the dark clouds that wrapped the sky, and they brought no rain
with them. None was forewarned for the next few days and no one
seemed to care. They enjoyed the beautiful days while they
lasted, winter was just around the corner.
Dr. Jude Baker,
adjusted to her surroundings of the ER, like it was to be her
second home, and knew as always, it probably would become just
that. It was inevitable. Patients and people she didn't know,
strangers who found themselves in circumstances beyond their
control would become her life. Watching over them, caring for
them and taking every conceivable measure to save their lives
would be her priority in the following weeks she would spend at
Cook County. Learning and experiencing all her mind and intellect
could desire. It would become her every waking moment and she
would let it. She did it because she loved it, the rush of
turning a single human life completely around in one simple
saving moment. She did it for the smile from the little girl she
saved from drowning. For a father's heartbreak that is healed
when his son's frozen lifeless body is brought back to life. She
did it for the elderly couple that would soon be separated by
death and disease.
She stood in
trauma room 2 with Mary and Albert Edwards. They had come to her
only an hour earlier. Albert Edwards showed all the signs of
final stage of lung cancer. He lay on the hospital bed, injected
with intravenous drugs and fluids, oxygen and monitors that
allowed him to sleep painlessly. His wife of 55 years, Mary, sat
at his vigil, grasping his hand in her own, afraid if she let go,
he would finally slip away.
Mary Payne knew
her life had been graciously touched when she found herself too
taken with the eyes of the young man staring back, to remember
something as simple as her name. Albert Edwards was sure his life
would no longer be the same when in his proposal two months later
to the young beautiful Mary she accepted. They entered into
matrimony happily and looked forward to what their future held
together. Surrounded by the laughter, the voices, and the love of
their 5 children, 13 grandchildren, and 7 great-grandchildren,
and of all the babies still to come.
Haleh checked his
IV meds and changed his fluids, as Jude tried to comfort Mary
with words of caring and solace. She always had problems dealing
with the sadness and the fear of her patients. She always had
trouble finding the right words when it came to consoling them,
and found it easier to let them talk, and she stood listening to
Mary talk about her life with the man who had been her only
husband.
Jude noticed
Kerry at the door, and excused herself from Mary and Albert and
left them in Haleh's capable hands. Kerry wanted to check on her,
make sure she was settling in okay, and she was. Faces and names
still had to be learnt. Places and departments were things she
tried to remember, patients and people had already come and gone,
and Mr. Albert Edwards would be her fourth patient for the day.
Kerry didn't want to rush her, she wanted Jude to know the
doctors, and nurses, where things went and where they came from.
She wanted her to know her way around, and be comfortable with
the surroundings, before she took on the full responsibilities of
what being a Resident meant.
“How's it
going?” asked Kerry, being concerned was just a natural
habit she had for the well being of Jude. Kerry knew even when
they walked different paths; they were never truly apart. They
were family and nothing could divide them. They had survived
through Jude's worst moment in her life and they were each
stronger for it, ready to take on what the rest of the world
threw at them. Mangled bodies, lost minds, wandering souls. Late
nights, long shifts, no pay. Babies, nutcases, gang members. They
were up for anything. Never backed down on a good fight. Stepped
up when a voice needed to be heard. They were the conscience of
one another's mistakes. The praise of each other’s triumphs.
They were the souls of each other's friendship.
“Good. My
patient is Albert Edwards, 77 years old. Oncology had a chart on
him; they're sending it down. He's in final stages of lung
cancer. He was having difficulty breathing, his wife Mary
insisted he come in to be checked over.”
“Okay. Your
run down?”
“He's
dehydrated, I gave IV fluids, morphine for the pain, still
waiting on CBC, PT, PTT and I've ordered a chest film. I was
thinking about a lung needle biopsy.” Kerry was impressed.
She never once doubted the skills and experience of Jude. Kerry
had not been surprised to hear only good things about Jude from
the Chief-of-Staff at the hospital in Buffalo. There had been
times and there had been moments when Jude struggled with what it
was like to be a doctor in an ER but she often found the strength
and passion that kept her going from a long distance phone call
to a friend. A friend who inspired and encouraged her. A friend
with her own skills and talent that brought her to be Chief of
Emergency at County General.
“What do you
think?”
“My guess,
Pneumonia.” Jude was sure; she would wait on test results to
confirm her diagnosis.
“That's
probably likely, how are you going to treat it.”
“Albert has
a DNR order, and doesn't want any evasive action taken, I thought
I'd wait off on the biopsy, keep up the fluids, and the morphine,
let natural takes it course.”
“Palliative
care?”
“Making the
patient as comfortable as possible.” Just like the old days,
teacher, and student. Kerry had not only been a friend and sister
but a mentor to a young girl who studied hard. During the day and
during the night she planned her schemes, failure sometimes
surfacing to her efforts but she forged forth with willingness
and passion. Beckoned with only her knowledge and spirit, she
discarded what didn't work, remembered what did. Details lay out
before her; words were written down and read upon later. Mentally
and physically exhausted she looked upon Kerry for guidance. She
looked up to Kerry, granted she didn't always agree with her, but
Jude learnt from Kerry's experience and appreciated her patience
when tests were failed and hope scarce. Words of wisdom prevailed
through the lapses of faith. The reassurances of it being
worthwhile aided in the long days and the even longer nights.
Trust, loyalty and friendship bonded with logic and reason, hard
work and perseverance allowed Jude to rejoice in graduating top
of her class at medical school and Kerry bask in the glory and
triumph of watching a dear friend graduate top of her class.
“Good.”
Chuny interrupted
them. She had an urgent message. “Excuse me Dr. Weaver.”
“What is it
Chuny?” She looked at Jude. The message was for her. Chuny
didn't really know what it all meant but the nurse from upstairs
insisted she get it to the right person, “Are you, Dr.
Baker?”
“Yes, I am.”
Chuny was glad she found the right person. She didn't want to run
all over the hospital looking for someone she didn't really know.
“What can I
do for you, Chuny?”
“A nurse
from upstairs called about the boy you came in with this morning.”
“Michael?”
she listened closely. Perhaps there was news, and she couldn't
afford to miss it.
“That's
right, they asked to see you upstairs as soon as possible.”
“They did?”
All the possibilities of what could have happened to Michael
began to spin around in her head. “Okay, thank you.”
“Your
welcome.” Chuny went back to her patient in exam room three.
She had other things to do and only two hours left in her shift
to do them in.
Jude was anxious,
she didn't want to leave Mary and Albert, but she wanted
desperately to see Michael.
“You go I'll
take care of Mr. Edwards.”
“Thank you,
Kerry,” Jude took off towards the elevator but suddenly
remembered she didn't know which floor the surgery took place on,
“Kerry?”
Kerry stopped at
the door, and looked at her friend with compassion and concern.
Jude let things get to her sometimes, took things personally, and
embraced the burden of others way too often, and Kerry had always
been there to help her through. They would talk and listen to
each other, help each other out of trouble and sometimes, not
very often, but sometimes put each other into it.
“The 5th
floor.”
Kerry and Jude
had been friends for so long now they often experienced a strange
intuition that couldn't fully be explained. It was though they
could read one another's mind. They knew what each other was
thinking before it was thought, felt each other's feelings as
their own. Jude smiled in appreciation. At times, she didn't know
what she would do without Kerry, and didn't ever want to think
about the possibility of that ever being a choice she had to
make.
Kerry joined Mary
and Albert, and explained to them that Dr. Baker would be back as
soon as she could. Jude stood waiting impatiently at the elevator
waiting to get to the 5th floor and check in on Michael's
progress. Being asked to be there surely couldn't have been a
good sign. She buried all the bad thoughts down deep and surfaced
only the good ones in her mind. The elevator took too long, she
decided the stairs would be quicker and rushed her way up to the
5th floor.
It took too long
to get there. She quickly located the nurse's station and found
the nurse was on the phone. Jude didn't want to interrupt in case
it was an emergency; suddenly she realized it was not. A date
with some stud just didn't seem that important to hold her up.
Her annoyance was abundantly obvious.
“Excuse me I
was looking for...” she interrupted but the nurse didn't pay
her any attention. The redheaded nurse was busy, busy with things
that didn't seem appropriate at this time and in this place. In
her frustration and anger in being kept waiting, Jude leant over
the counter, and found what she was looking for. The phone line
went dead. Jude had hung up on whomever she was talking to. The
nurse was not impressed and Jude was not there to impress her.
“They’re
looking for me.”
“They are?”
Her attitude sucked. Was it Jude's fault she was not doing her
job?
Jude tried to
remember their names, but couldn't. She had done so much today,
seen so many faces, learnt so many names, and been weighed down
with worry for a young boy who had instantly become a friend.
“I can't
remember their names, they were performing surgery on a young
boy, part amputation of the left leg.”
The nurse knew
whom she was talking about; she had just begun her shift when
they started the surgery. She grabbed a nearby chart and looked
it over, flipping through the pages to find the Doctor's names
that were performing the surgery. Vindictive in her manner, she
would take her time, and still not come up with any names.
“I can't
seem to find it hold on a sec I need to call someone. You have no
objections to me using the phone, do you?” barked the nurse.
Jude couldn't believe this. The nurse picked up the phone
and dialed through to another station. Jude's eye caught the
figure of a man she recognized. A face remembered from this
morning. Dr. Kovac stood down the corridor waiting to hear word
from Dr. Benton.
“Never mind.”
Jude left the nurse, and didn't give her a second thought. She
walked towards Luka and he noticed her coming. He waited
patiently for her to meet up with him, and to hear word on
Michael's procedure.
“What going
on?” asked Jude as she met up with Luka.
“Dr. Benton
asked to see us?”
“Here we
are, so where is he?”
“The nurse
said he'd be out in a minute.”
“You got
that out of her?”
“Excuse me?”
He was confused. It was not important.
“Forget it.”
Jude's impatience showed. How is it she got nothing out of the
nurse and Dr. Kovac did. She figured it had something to do with
sex and right now, she didn't have time to get in to it. She
viciously threw the thoughts out of her mind, how could she be
thinking about sex? About tall, handsome doctor's who smiled and
brought women to their knees? She couldn't and wouldn't allow
herself to. She always hated to be held waiting. Things needed to
be done, and she had things to do, keeping her word to Michael
was one of them.
****