DAMAGED
PEOPLE
PART 4
By:
Pebbles
In the days that followed Luka began to plan
for Alice’s discharge from hospital. He had decided that she
was going to come and stay with him so that he could look after
her properly. The first thing he did was to buy himself a
bed-settee so that she could have his room. It took up almost all
the room in his lounge but he had to have the largest model in
the store just so that he could stretch out properly.
Then he stocked up the cupboards and
refrigerator with healthy foods. He wanted to cook for Alice
– to build up her strength. The food at County was
supposedly nutritious but Luka could see that Alice had lost even
more weight since she’d been there.
Finally he arranged to continue paying rent
to Chuny’s aunt – to keep Alice’s options open but
he hoped that she would want to stay with him indefinitely. The
only thing he didn’t do was ask Alice if she agreed with his
plans – he figured he’d cross that bridge when he came
to it.
When the day came at last, Alice couldn’t
wait for Luka to arrive. She had been up and dressed, all her
stuff packed and waiting for what seamed like hours. She had
brushed her hair until it shone and applied a little makeup. She
could not completely hide the shadows under her eyes or the
pallor of her skin but she looked a lot more human. Finally
Luka arrived slightly out of breath as he had got fed up waiting
for the elevator and had sprinted up the stairs.
“Ready?” he gasped. “Oh yes I’m
ready!” Alice picked up a couple of bags. “Let me get
those.” Luka made to take them from her. “No, I can
manage.” She pulled then away from his reach “You can
take those others.” Luka shrugged, he guessed they didn’t
look too heavy for her.
“Here, let me help you.” Luka put
his arm around her waist as if to support her, which was awkward
as he had bags in both his hands. “Oh, for goodness
sake Luka. I don’t need help to walk, I’m not an
invalid!” Alice’s tone was sharp and she struggled
impatiently out of his arms. She couldn’t believe she was
behaving like this. Her face flushed red.
Luka just looked at her, a look of hurt on
his face. He took a step back from her. “Have I done
something wrong?” Alice looked at her feet. “No, I’m
sorry” She shrugged unable to express what she felt “Shall
we go?” She took the lead towards the door, Luka following
close behind.
Nothing was said all the way down in the
elevator. Silently they walked out to the parking garage where
Luka threw her bags into the back of his car. Automatically he
went to open the car door for her; their hands met on the handle
as Alice made the same move. She snatched her hand away as if the
touch had burnt her. Luka was startled but still said nothing.
It was only when they were both sat in the
car that he turned to her and in his gentle voice enquired “What
is it, Alice? Why are you acting so…..so jumpy?” Alice
couldn’t meet his gaze and stared at her hands in her lap.
She didn’t know how to put into words what she was feeling.
It was his kindness and protectiveness that were getting her all
worked up but she didn’t understand why.
“I just don’t know, Luka. I’m
sorry. I’m a little edgy. I…..I don’t know why.”
It was the best explanation she could manage. She felt really bad
about hurting his feelings and yet every little gesture of
friendship seamed to get right on her nerves. What was wrong with
her?
At last Luka started the car and drove them
out of the garage. The atmosphere in the car was still pretty
tense but Luka tried to calm himself by concentrating on the
traffic. Whatever the problem was would not be made any better if
he lost his cool. After they had driven a few blocks it was clear
that they were not headed for Chuny’s aunt’s house.
“Where are we going?” Alice asked.
“To my place.” Luka was now regretting not consulting
Alice about his plans. “I, er……….thought it
would be best if you stayed with me for a while until you’re
……er….fully fit” He mentally cringed ready
for her reaction.
“Oh.” Was all that Alice said. Her
mind was racing though. She felt tears stinging her eyes but
couldn’t understand why she was feeling so upset. Luka was
just being his usual kind and thoughtful self. What was wrong
with that? She valued his friendship. He was her best friend.
But, she at last admitted to herself, she wanted more. She loved
him! She sniffed back her tears and looked out of the side
window, afraid to let Luka see her face.
What was hurting so badly was that Luka only
saw her as a friend. She was so much younger than he was and
‘in trouble’. He pitied her. She didn’t want pity!
She wanted him to see her as a woman, to desire her and love her.
Alice sniffed again.
“You’re not crying are you?”
Luka’s voice betrayed his concern for her. “No!”
Alice lied, digging her nails into her palms to try and stop
herself from sobbing. The car pulled up by the kerb and Luka
turned off the engine. Getting out, he strode around to the
passenger side to open Alice’s door. This time she let him
do so without complaint.
She even let him take her arm and lead her
up the steps to his apartment. Inside Alice looked around, noting
the huge couch now taking up most of the lounge. She and Luka had
spent many happy times here watching rented movies, listening to
music and talking – talking for hours at a time. Could they
go back to that easy friendship? She wasn’t sure but she was
frightened of driving him away altogether. His friendship was too
valuable to loose.
“Thank you” Alice gave Luka a shy
smile. “I’m sorry I’ve been a bit grumpy. I think
I’m a bit tired.” “Why don’t you go and take
a nap then?” Luka suggested “And I’ll fix us
some lunch.” He opened the door to the bedroom. The room was
immaculately tidy – all Luka’s personal bits and pieces
tidied away. The furniture was shining with polish; the linen on
the bed crisply pressed and a huge vase of flowers stood on the
dressing table.
“Oh, Luka! They’re lovely!”
Luka was delighted to see a genuine smile light up Alice face. He
pulled her into his arms and gave her a huge bear like hug,
resting his face against the top of her head. “It’s
good to have you back, Alice. I…..I couldn’t bear to
see you in the hospital.”
Alice pressed her face against Luka’s
chest feeling his heart beating loudly and breathing in his warm
masculine scent. Could she be content with this? Luka was
generous with displays of affection. He was always touching her,
stroking her hair even kissing her platonically – like he
was now on the top of her head. Could this be enough? It would
have to be for Alice couldn’t bear to loose him altogether.
Releasing her from his embrace Luka mumbled
something about lunch and excused himself from the room. Alice
sat down on the bed; suddenly feeling really tired after all.
Perhaps she would lie down for a moment and close her eyes.
Before she knew it she was sound asleep.
Luka had planned to make a light dish
for Alice that his mother used to make. First he measured out a
quantity of cracked wheat and then put the kettle on to boil.
Then he turned on the oven to its maximum setting and got out
some large red and yellow peppers. He sliced them in half and set
them in a shallow roasting tin. He drizzled olive oil over them
and seasoned them with salt and pepper before setting them on one
side to wait for the oven to reach temperature.
As he worked, assembling and chopping the
ingredients to make the stuffing for the peppers, Luka tried to
make sense of Alice’s behaviour. He understood that she was
going to need time to deal with the trauma of the rape and the
subsequent surgery – indeed she was already seeing a
therapist. But this was something else, something to do with him.
He searched his memory for something that he has said or done to
upset her.
He admitted that he should have asked her
first before assuming that she would want to stay with him and
perhaps he had been treating her a little like an invalid. He
couldn’t help feeling protective towards her. She was so
precious to him. He was already worried about her returning to
work. The Centre was in a less than salubrious neighbourhood and
even the young people who attended her music therapy sessions
were a pretty strange bunch. Luka tried not to be prejudiced but
he knew from experience that some people with learning
disabilities could be violent.
He had discussed Alice’s safety with
Bernard Huwyler, the Centre manager who had assured him that they
had protocols and policies for dealing with violent behaviour and
that Alice was no more at risk at work than he was working in the
ER. Somehow this did not comfort Luka one bit. He knew that he
could not wrap Alice up in cotton wool but he was finding it hard
to deal with his own anxiety about her.
Worse still, Alice seamed to be pushing him
away. He had not followed Kerry’s advice and told Alice
about his feelings for her. He was glad he hadn’t now. It
was quite clear that she did not feel the same way about him and
was even cooling off their friendship a bit. It was going to be
hard to have her living under his roof if there was no hope of
her ever responding to him but the alternative was even worse.
Luka leant against the worktop as if the weight of the world was
on his shoulders.
Sighing, Luka decided to check and see if
Alice was sleeping before putting the lunch in the oven. He
quietly opened the door and was pleased to see that she was
indeed asleep; curled up like a child - cuddling the comforter
tightly.
She was so beautiful she took his breath
away and for a long time he stood in the doorway just watching
her sleep. Her denim skirt had ridden up exposing her long
shapely legs and Luka ran his tongue over his lower lip as he
imagined what it would feel like to have them wrapped around him.
Smiling to himself he quietly slipped back out of the room,
closing the door behind him.