: DAMAGED
PEOPLE
PART
2
by
Pebbles
It was a bright and sunny morning and it
promised to be a beautiful day. Luka whistled to himself as he
shaved in the shower. Today he was going to have a day out –
do what ‘normal’ people did on a public holiday.
Alice had agreed to come out with him and it
felt good to have a friend to share his day. He had felt a little
hypocritical when he lectured her about allowing your friends to
help you when he had been ignoring this advice himself. So he had
prescribed them both an outing.
Luka decided to leave the car at home. It was just as convenient to take The El and it might be hard to park on a public holiday. He made his way to the apartment block where Alice was now ‘house-sitting’, running up the front steps two at a time. She must have been looking out for him as the door was flung open just as he reached the top.
“Hi Luka, you in training for the Olympics!?” she laughed. Luka leant against the doorframe for a moment to catch his breath. “Maybe I should have quit smoking a little sooner”
“So where are we going – do I need
to smarten up?” Alice gestured at her sleeveless T-shirt and
embroidered and cropped jeans. “No, I wasn’t planning
on taking you to The Sheraton Towers” he hastily added
”– not that you wouldn’t look fine anyway” as
Alice wrinkled up her nose.
“So we’re not going to The
Sheraton Towers – come on don’t keep me in
suspense.” “Well, I thought we could check out this
Navy Pier that everyone seams to go to. We can take a look at an
exhibition, maybe go to a theatre, get something to eat –
you know - just ‘hang-out’” “Sounds fine to
me – lead on.”
It was such a beautiful day and anyone
watching the young couple as they larked about on Pier Walk would
never have believed they had a care in the world. The man, tall
with dark Mediterranean looks, complementing the girl who was
also tall, perhaps 5’10”, with shoulder length
honey-blonde hair. Two unselfconsciously beautiful people
delighting in one another’s company completely unaware of
the interested looks directed their way.
They had decided to check out an exhibition
of sculpture. “The largest outdoor sculpture exhibition in
the world” Luka read from the publicity leaflet “And
entry is free – well that gets my vote!”
The pieces were large and various and both
Luka and Alice took an irreverent approach. It started out with
the reading out of pretentious titles for each piece of work and
some of the blurb from the catalogue. “This one’s
called ‘Yikes’” read out Alice. “Is that a
reaction to the price? – Only $45,000!” asked Luka
“Nah, I reckon it’s what the
porters said when they told them they’d have to carry a nine
foot high bronze all the way down here. Looks like a guy with a
hula hoop embedded in his back!”
“How about this one?” Luka asked
“It’s called ‘Flower’ and is very reasonably
priced at just $20,000” “Looks like a row of coat
hooks,” thought Alice aloud. “Yes, but an eleven foot
high row of coat hooks!”
“Nah, not today thank you. Mind you I
really like this one.” She stood next to a massive disk of
steel and glass like a sun from a horological chart. “Well,
I would buy it for you but I haven’t got $15,000 on me! How
about we go get some lunch now” Luka suggested.
“Good idea. My stomach is beginning to
think my throat’s been cut” laughed Alice. “What
shall we have? Hot dog, pizza, er…...” Luka ran through
the options. “Pizza will be fine. Can’t stand hot
dogs!” Soon they were comfortably seated with a view
of the lake and a huge Margarita to share between them. Two
bottles of cold beer completed the picnic.
“D’you know, this is the most fun
I’ve had in a long time, probably since I came to
America.” Alice grinned at Luka, a small piece of cheese
dangling from the corner of her mouth. He watched with amusement
as she tried to remove it with her tongue. “Let me”
Luka carefully wiped it away with the corner of a paper
serviette. “How long have you been here, in America I
mean?”
“Oh, golly it must be nearly six months
now. It was just after New Year. Would you like to hear my sad
little story – I warn you it’s pretty pathetic.”
Luka nodded and smiled in encouragement.
“Well I grew up on the West Coast of
Scotland in a small town called Oban. My father was a Minister
(of the church) and I was brought up fairly strictly – both
my parents were pretty old and in fact they’re both passed
away now. I have one brother, Robbie. He went into the Army and I
was supposed to go to college and be a teacher. Well, I had other
ideas. I always loved to sing and spent more time rehearsing with
my friends – we had a band – than studying. Of course I
flunked my exams and instead of going to college I ended up in
Glasgow working the clubs and doing a fair bit of session
work.” Alice paused for a moment to study Luka’s
reaction. He didn’t say anything just nodded slightly for
her to continue.
“Well, actually I was doing OK. Our
band was never going anywhere but I was getting regular work
doing backing vocals for some fairly big names. I even went on
tour with Annie Lennox – fifteen dates all over the UK.
She’s my idol so I was in heaven! I even made enough
to go to college on my own terms. I did a course in music therapy
which was amazing and then I go and throw it all away for a no
good sweet talking American!” Alice broke off to take
a swig of beer. “I always had a weakness for a tall, dark
and handsome stranger” Luka smiled at this. Alice continued
“He was so full of it. He was an agent – supposedly. He
had all these contacts. If I came with him to the States I was
going to make it big time, etc, etc . etc. And I fell for
it”
“So what happened?” Luka gently
urged her to continue. “Well nothing really. That was the
problem. It turned out that he was more interested in doing Coke
than promoting my career and before I knew it he was in big
trouble with some seriously nasty people. He owed them a lot of
money. And then he turned on me. He took my passport – I
guess he sold that. He tried to….” Alice dropped her
head, her expression hidden behind a curtain of hair “to
pimp for me. But I wasn’t having that. He was so mad with me
all the time, kept threatening to throw me out or report me as an
illegal alien, stuff like that. It was a nightmare really.
I’m so glad I got away from all that but I’m still in
the shit. No passport, no visa, no money.”
“But you have friends now Alice.”
Luka spoke at last “And I know people – in the Croatian
community – who know about visas and stuff like that. We can
sort something out I’m sure, find you a sponsor, what ever
it takes.”
“You’re a really kind man,
Luka Kovac. I can’t believe you’d want to bother with
an idiot like me! And Corrine has been really good to me
too. My problems seam really trivial now – but you know
there were times when I thought I was going under. It was getting
harder and harder to keep going – much easier to just give
up –you know?”
“Yes, I do.” Luka left it at that
and changed the subject. “So what would you like to do this
afternoon?” “Oh, whatever. What’s on at the
theatre?” Alice squinted up at Luka who was now on his feet.
He offered her his hand to help her up off the grass. “Well
I think I read that there is a production of Hamlet. But I
don’t know if we would be able to get tickets – shall
we go and see?” Alice took his hand and as they walked back
towards the theatre they continued to hold hands. It wasn’t
a romantic thing just companionable.
The signs outside the theatre announced the
new production of The Chicago Shakespeare Company: ‘Hamlet
– The Musical’. “You have got to be joking!”
Alice exclaimed. “It could be fun – what do you
think?” Luka was not really sure it would be as
‘rib-splittingly funny’ as the billboard claimed.
“Nah, perhaps some other time. How about we try and get out
on the water as it’s such a beautiful day – we could
hire a boat.”
Not long afterwards Luka was in his element,
expertly sculling a small rowboat out on the lake. Alice sat in
the stern trailing her hands in the cool water enjoying the
warmth of the sunshine on her bare arms. “You’ve done
this before?” Alice smiled at Luka squinting slightly in the
bright sunlight. “When I was a child I virtually lived on
the water.”
“Tell me about your childhood
Luka” He was silent for quite some time the only sound being
the gentle splashing of the oars as they cut through the water.
“I was always messing about on or in
the water. We lived right on the coast. One of my uncles was a
fisherman so we used to help him at the weekends or school
holidays. He paid us a few Dinars and we used to spend it all on
petrol for our little speedboat. We used to offer our services to
the tourists – take them up river to see the famous
waterfalls. They were mostly German and we would try and charge
them as much as we thought we could get away with!” Luka
chuckled softly as he remembered one particular incident.
“One day we were taking a group of
German tourists up the river when some of them demanded that we
give their friends a tow. My older brother, Viktor was steering
and he kept his face completely deadpan. Their friends were in a
canoe and he steered over to them, took the line they gave him
and tied it on the back of the boat. Well I knew what was going
to happen and I had to dive into the cabin so they couldn’t
see me shaking with laughter. All the time Viktor just stared
ahead and gradually increased the throttle.
“The canoe started to dive about
from side to side and then it lurched up in the air and capsized
giving them all a dunking!” Luka struggled to finish his
story as he laughed at the vivid memory “They were shrieking
‘My camera! My camera’ and I was still hiding in the
cabin almost crying with laughter by then. Viktor just calmly
waited whilst they all got hauled out of the water and then
continued up to the falls. Mind you we didn’t get a tip for
our trouble.”
All the time that Luka was telling his story
Alice studied his face. It was if ten years had dropped off him.
She wasn’t really sure how old he was. When she had first
seen him at Doc Magoos he had seamed so worn down by life, he
could have been over 40. Now she wasn’t sure. She guessed
that he was mid thirties – much older than she was anyway
– but their sense of humour was so similar, age didn’t
seam to matter. His eyes were shining as he remembered happier
times and Alice thought he was the most handsome man she had ever
met.
Luka offered the oars to Alice “How
about you row us back to the shore?” “OK”
Alice swapped places with Luka – an operation that required
them to carefully manoeuvre their bodies past each other with a
fair amount of physical contact. Alice suddenly began to feel
shy. <Oh God Alice, don’t start getting goofy about this
guy> she firmly told herself. She then proceeded to put all
her concentration into rowing the boat – pleased that she
hadn’t forgotten the skill.
“Hey, you’re no beginner are
you!” Luka was impressed. “Well Oban is on the coast
too you know. Although the Atlantic is a sight colder than the
Adriatic!”
By the time they reached the shore it was
getting quite late. “I can’t believe I’m hungry
again!” Alice had to admit. “It’s all this fresh
air and exercise – just what the doctor ordered!” Luka
grinned. “How about a drink first? We can watch the sun go
down over the lake.” “That would be lovely, Dr
Kovac” Luka smiled at the way Alice pronounced his name. In
fact he loved listening to her talk, her accent was so soft,
almost musical. He was enjoying her company so much. She made him
feel young again.
The bar they had chosen for its view of the
water was in fact a Karioke bar. Although it was still early the
bar was thronging with people and there was a constant stream of
would be singers trying out their vocal talents. During a
particularly painful rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I
will survive’ Luka clapped his hands over his ears and
demanded that they find somewhere quieter.
Alice wasn’t quite ready though.
“Just one more song – I think you might enjoy it.”
And she got up from the table and took the microphone from the
last performer. She smiled at Luka hoping that she wasn’t
about to make a total ass of herself.
The music began – it was Lou
Reed’s ‘Perfect Day’. As Alice sang the first
lines the bar fell silent, her soulful voice filling the room:
Just a perfect day drink Sangria in the park And then later when it gets dark, we go home Just a perfect day feed animals in the zoo Then later a movie, too, and then home Oh, it's such a perfect day I'm glad I spend it with you Oh, such a perfect day You just keep me hanging on You just keep me hanging on Just a perfect day problems all left alone Weekenders on our own it's such fun Just a perfect day you made me forget myself I thought I was someone else, someone good Oh, it's such a perfect day I'm glad I spent it with you Oh, such a perfect day You just keep me hanging on You just keep me hanging on You're going to reap just what you sow You're going to reap just what you sow You're going to reap just what you sow You're going to reap just what you sow As the final notes faded away the whole bar
erupted into applause. Luka stood at the table clapping his hands
for all he was worth, tears stinging his eyes. Never had he felt
so moved by a song – it was as if Alice had reached out and
touched his soul. Alice ignored the calls for an encore and
returned to the table, feeling a little flushed. She had
forgotten how much of a thrill she got from performing. Luka was
grinning from ear to ear. “That was wonderful!” was all
he could think to say although he felt much more. “Thank
you. It <was> a thank you – I meant every word”
Alice was sure she was blushing now. “Shall we get out of
here now?” Leaving the Karioke Bar, Luka was reluctant
to let the day end. It had been really special and he wished it
could go on forever. “How about a ride on the Ferris Wheel?
– You’re not afraid of heights I hope?” Alice grinned up at Luka. “How could I
be afraid with you to take care of me” This brought a smile
to Luka’s lips. “I’m no knight in shining armour
you know!” He then gallantly guided her through the crowds,
one arm protectively wrapped around her waist. The whole pier area had become really
crowded and it was a relief to ride high above the throng into
the night air. They had been lucky to get a ride all to
themselves and neither spoke as they took in the view of Chicago
150 feet below – a mass of twinkling lights reflecting in
the still water of the lake. Suddenly the sky erupted into dazzling
display of fireworks and the air was filled with the deafening
noise of their explosions. “Wow!” Alice was thrilled
– fireworks were one of her favourite things - and turned to
share the moment with Luka but he was no longer beside her. Alice spun around. At first the car seamed
to be empty then she spotted Luka crouched on the floor his hands
thrown up protectively over his head. She sank down beside him.
Struggling to make her self heard above the uproar of the
fireworks, she almost shouted, “What’s the
matter?” She couldn’t hear an answer from him so Alice
reached out to touch his shoulder and was startled when Luka
flinched away. “Luka! It’s alright.”
Alice was frightened by his reaction. “What’s the
matter?” she asked again. Still there was no response. He
appeared to be shaking all over and Alice suddenly realised that
the noise of the fireworks must be like mortar fire. “Oh my
God!” She said out loud, realising he must be having a
flashback to the war. Alice gently wrapped her arms around him.
This time he didn’t react to her touch. She could feel him
trembling and, putting her face close up against his she could
hear him muttering something in Croatian. “Luka, it’s
alright. It’s just fireworks.” She held him tighter
hoping that she could calm him down. He relaxed a little and,
pulling him towards her Alice began to rock him gently whispering
over and over “It’s alright, you’re safe here,
nothing’s going to hurt you now.” It seamed like an age but it can’t have
been more than fifteen minutes as Alice felt a slight jerk and
their ‘ride’ was over. “Can you get up now
Luka?” At first he didn’t respond then he grunted
slightly and began to straighten up. Like a couple of drunks they
struggled up off the floor and out of the car – eliciting
curious glances from the next passengers waiting in line. Pushing
their way through the crowds it was now Alice who guided Luka. He
seamed to have shrunk in stature and, for the first time Alice
noticed a slight limp in Luka’s gait. At last they found a quiet spot in the foyer
of the theatre. The noise of the fireworks was completely muffled
by the acoustics of the building. A string quartet was playing
quietly in the background. Luka sat down heavily, his head
hanging so that Alice could not see his face. She sat opposite him, not sure what to do or
say. Finally she reached over and took his hands in hers. Turning
them over she caressed his palms with her thumbs admiring the
elegance of his long fingers. Looking up she met his gaze. His
eyes had taken on the same tired and defeated look, which she had
noticed back at Doc Magoos. “Oh, Luka I’m so sorry” was
all that she could think to say. Silently they searched each
other’s eyes. Luka, seeing compassion and tenderness in
Alice gradually began to let his fear go breathing out raggedly.
“It is I that am sorry, for frightening
you” He spoke at last “No!” Alice protested “You
have nothing to be sorry for!” her voice cracking as tears
flooded her eyes. She felt anger that he had had to suffer –
was still suffering – and another emotion that welled up in
her chest like sorrow and love all mixed up. She threw herself
into his arms and cried bitterly against his chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” she gasped through her
sobs. Luka gently stroked her back. “Steady on Alice,
you’re soaking my shirt” he whispered in her ear. At last they broke apart. “I could do
with a drink!” Luka smiled at last. “How about
you?” Alice nodded “Whatever you’re having.”
Later as they quietly sipped their scotch Alice plucked up
courage. “Would you…could you tell me about the war?
What were you remembering” Luka stared at Alice for a while, trying to
make sure that he could reveal himself to her. Encouraged by her
apparent empathy he began. “It was like the shelling –
the fireworks, I mean.” Luka kept his gaze firmly on
Alice’s face. He hoped it would stop him becoming engulfed
by the memories. “We were in Vukovar in 1991.” Alice
nodded her head to register that she had heard of it. “The
shelling was relentless. Day after day, night after night. There
was no escape.” Alice listened intently to his story. He
told it so vividly that she could almost imagine herself there.
With horror she heard of the plight of his family. The sound of
the shell that took out the apartment building, how he dug
frenziedly in the rubble with his bare hands only to find his
wife had been fatally injured and finally the nightmare siege of
the hospital and the taking and butchering of his tiny children.
At last Luka stopped. There was more to tell
but he was exhausted. Perhaps he should not have burdened her
with this so soon or at all – her spirit was so fragile.
Luka searched Alice’s face for a reaction. Her eyes were
shining as if tears threatened to pour forth. At first Alice could not speak –
what could she say in response to this tragedy? There were no
words to adequately convey how she felt. Instead Alice gently
cupped his right cheek with her hand hoping to express with touch
what words would fail to do. Luka in turn planted the softest of
kisses on her wrist. “I guess we should be heading home
soon” Alice spoke at last. “Yes, I guess so.” Luka
stood up and offered Alice his hand. Later as they rode the El he
put his arm around her shoulder and Alice rested her head against
his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Ever the gentleman, Luka walked Alice
right to her door. “Thank you for a perfect day Luka”
“You’re welcome. And thank you. Perhaps we could do it
again some time? Maybe check out ‘Hamlet – the
musical’?” The humour had returned to Luka’s
voice. “Yeah, that would be fun. You know where to find
me” “Yeah. Night, night Alice.” Luka planted a
kiss on the top of Alice’s head and jogged off into the
night. “Sleep tight, Luka” Alice
whispered into the darkness. Later as she lay awake going
back over the day Alice wondered how Luka had managed to keep
going all these years alone with such terrible memories. He was a
very strong man for sure. And he had found room in his heart to
take care of her. Alice felt very small and chastened.
How pathetic she was to think she had problems. Apart from
anything else she had brought them on herself. It was her fault.
No one had made her go with Lennie. She was her own worst enemy
– way too trusting. Luka must think she was really stupid.
In the end, Alice cried herself to sleep – wracked with
self-loathing and guilt.