DAMAGED PEOPLE
PART 1
By Pebbles
It was shaping up to be a hot summer. Doc
Magoo’s was fairly quiet. Their usual custom from County
General tended to come in waves. Many of the doctors, nurses and
ancillary staff used the small diner for their breaks or at the
beginning or end of their shift. They used it out of convenience
not because it had any special culinary reputation. It was almost
part of the hospital it was so close and yet it offered a
temporary refuge from the stress and trauma there.
Alice had been very grateful to find a job
at Doc Magoos’s after a long search for work. It was not
that she wasn’t very capable but she lacked the necessary
paperwork. Joe had not seamed very concerned about her status so
long as she agreed to work very long hours for very little pay.
No vacations, no sick leave, no questions. Alice didn’t
mind, she was desperate.
At the diner Alice was virtually invisible.
The other staff bothered her very little so long as she did her
job efficiently. The customers seamed not to see her at all. They
were so wrapped up in their own lives; the stress of their jobs,
their petty quarrels, their love lives. They never gave a second
thought to the girl who took their order, wiped their table or
refilled their coffee cup. This suited Alice very well.
If only she could remain invisible all the
time. Perhaps then Lennie wouldn’t get so mad with her,
perhaps he wouldn’t hit her. She would like to be invisible
all the time, to melt away forever. Then there would be no more
pain.
Although the customers at the diner did not
notice Alice, she liked to study them. Almost all of them worked
at County General. After a few weeks she could easily identify
the different groups. The doctors, the nurses, the different
departments. Mostly they stuck together. Little groups of medical
students or nurses. The doctors tended to come in singly or in
pairs. Occasionally a romantic triste but more usually just
internal department gossiping. Often they came in alone looking
stessed out and tired.
After a few weeks in the job, mainly doing
the graveyard shift, Alice began to notice one doctor in
particular. He was always alone, ate very little and appeared
very withdrawn. She began to look out for him, because although
he was so apparently wrapped up in his own thoughts he was
unfailingly polite and courteous. He was also undeniably
attractive.
He tended to choose a quiet booth in the
corner and would often sit staring out of the window with his
head resting against the glass. His eyes although looking
outwards seamed to be focussed on some other place. Yet when
Alice approached with a cloth to wipe the table or with coffee to
refill his cup he would always look up at her and thank her as if
she were doing him a special favour. And Alice tried to make sure
that he got the best service possible.
Alice began to see him as her special
project. Her mission was to elicit a smile, a few words, a human
contact. One humid night in late June she saw him take his usual
table but because she was in the middle of loading some glasses
into the washer, the other waitress on the shift, Corrine went
over to take his order. She noticed that they had a brief
conversation – more than that required to give and take an
order and felt a little disappointed that she had not managed
this herself.
When Corrine returned to the kitchen area
she made a beeline for Alice. “Hey, Alice. That foreign guy
is asking after you – you’d better take him his coffee.”
Alice felt a little thrill of anticipation as she went over to
him. Putting the coffee carefully down on the table, she
hesitated. “You asked for me, sir?” she quietly
questioned.
He looked a little embarrassed. “I just
wondered where you were. I, er, thought you might be sick or
something…” he mumbled. His accent was European –
Alice had it figured for east of Italy, maybe Hungarian or
Bulgarian. It was very sexy and combined with his dark looks and
charming manners – he was completely irresistible.
It was Alice’s turn to feel
uncomfortable. Corrine had made too much of his polite enquiry.
He wasn’t really interested in her. “Sick? Nah, we
Finlays are never sick!” She tried to make a joke of it
“Except after a heavy session on the ‘Amber nectar’!”
He smiled. Wow! That was the first time she had ever seen him
smile. She beamed back at him – it was catching. “You
should smile more often,” they said in unison and then burst
out laughing. And that was a first too.
“You’re not from round here either
are you?” he questioned. “The name, Finlay, that’s
Scottish isn’t it?” Alice hesitated a moment, she was
not sure she wanted to give away any information about herself.
But he seamed to be a kind person. “Yes, I am Scottish
– well as least that’s where I come from originally.
How about you?”
“Croatia” He added no more. He
didn’t need to. Alice’s brother, a paratrooper had
served in Bosnia and Alice had followed the news with morbid
fascination at the time. Something about this man before her
spoke volumes about what his experiences may have been. He had
been damaged in some way – she did not want to cause him any
more pain with more questions. She offered her hand to him “Alice
Finlay, I’m pleased to meet you”.
He took her small hand in his warm large
one. “Luka Kovac. And I’m very pleased to meet you
Alice.” He had risen to his feet and made a little bow as he
introduced himself. Now he sat down again and Alice was reminded
that he was a customer – first and foremost. “Can I get
you anything else now?” she resumed her waitress persona.
“No, no thank you. But please come over and talk to me
whenever you’re not too busy. We ‘foreigners’
should stick together!”
Later that night – or rather
early the next morning – Alice made her way home. It was a
long lonely walk but Alice never took the El. She was saving
hard. Every cent she earned was being hidden away in an old
shoebox she kept under the bed. One day she would have enough for
her ticket home. Meanwhile she walked everywhere; got by on the
little food she could scrounge at work and avoided being in the
apartment when Lennie might be around.
She was less afraid of the low-life’s
she might meet on her journey through the pre-dawn streets than
of Lennie. He had a foul temper and seamed to take a special
delight in torturing her. She stayed in the apartment only
because she had nowhere else to go and she had worked out a
system of avoiding him, especially in the evenings when he might
be drunk or high. By the time she got home he would most probably
be passed out cold and safe for several hours. Even when he came
round he would be in no fit state to do her any harm.
True to form, as Alice quietly slipped into
the apartments the sleeping figure of Lennie could be seen
sprawled out on the couch. Alice tiptoed past into the bedroom.
Before hitting the sack she crawled under the bed to hide away
her nights share of the tips. The shoebox was gone!
It was about 2.30a.m when Luka walked back
over to the ER. His break had lasted less than twenty minutes but
he felt refreshed, alert and ready to complete his shift. The
night was warm and balmy. Before entering the hospital Luka
looked up into the sky but the stars were obscured by the orange
glow of the streetlights. Despite all that had happened there he
did miss his homeland – more than he cared to admit. But he
realised that he was not the only one.
The girl in the diner – Alice, she said
her name was – kept entering his thoughts. Tonight was not
the first time he had noticed her. She was pretty in a somewhat
unconventional way. Her eyes were perhaps a little widely spaced
and very large. He was not sure that they were grey or green.
Before tonight she had kept them almost hidden under long lashes
and a curtain of honey-blonde hair that swung across her face as
she bent over the table, her gaze fixed firmly on it’s
surface as she delivered his order or cleared away. But tonight
he had been privileged to see them twinkle with merriment.
And her smile! It seamed to stretch from ear
to ear. Some might say that her mouth was too wide to be
beautiful. Luka was no expert but her face kept appearing in his
mind’s eye, animated by laughter. And the feeling of her
hand in his, fragile but warm - a human contact. Luka had felt
dead inside but now he felt the glimmering of life again.
It was a quiet night in the ER - the first
for a long time. With Carter still away they were short handed
but somehow they always seamed to scrape through. Luka preferred
to be busy – less time for thinking. His professional
relationships amongst the staff had regained some sort of
equilibrium since the shooting at the schoolyard, although Peter
Benton seamed reluctant to let go of the issue. But he had
avoided any personal contact with any of them. He did not want
sympathy or any chance of being exposed to further heartache.
It was a little after five am. The board was
clear and Luka was sitting behind the admit desk going over
charts. There was a draft of warm humid air as the ambulance bay
door swung open briefly and a small dark haired woman ran in. She
paused, looking around her to get her bearings and then hurried
to the desk. Seeing Luka she ignored the protestations of the
desk clerk and made a beeline for him.
“Please, you’ve got to help me. It’s
Alice. She’s over at the diner. That bastard has beaten her
up but she won’t come over here.” Corrine paused for
breath. “I’ll come over and see what I can do.”
Luka reassured her. “Randi, tell Dr Chen where I’ve
gone and if I’m not back in fifteen minutes to call for EMT
support.”
Luka grabbed a small bag of supplies on the
way out and followed Corrine over to Doc Magoos. She lead him
straight through into the kitchen where a little crowd was
gathered round Alice who was slumped in a chair, a bag of frozen
peas pressed to her cheek. “Let me through, I’m a
doctor” Luka commanded. As one they all stepped back,
revealing Alice – her hair matted with blood, eyes shining
with tears.
Luka crouched down on the floor so that he
was at her level. Using gentle tones, as if to soothe a
frightened child he reassured her that she was safe now and that
he was going to carefully check her over. She lifted her face to
look at him and Luka could immediately see that she would need
stitches. She had a large gash over her right cheekbone, a split
lip and a lot of facial bruising. He needed to examine her
properly in privacy. “Alice, I need you to come over to the
hospital with me..” he saw her face start to crumple, her
lips to move in protest “It will be alright” he quickly
reassured her “I will take care of you myself” She
nodded slightly in agreement.
Corrine spoke up. “I’ll come with
you too, honey. And when the doctor’s fixed you up your
coming home with me!” Alice stood up gingerly; her head was
banging like her brain was trying to jump out of her skull.
“Why do they always hit you in the face?” she muttered
through swollen lips, allowing herself to be helped by the tiny
woman on one side and the tall Croatian doctor on the other.
After safely installing her in Exam room 2,
Luka went to fetch the necessary supplies. He was accosted by
Jing-Mei. “Would you like me to take over this, you’re
due off soon aren’t you?” She thoughtfully offered.
“No, it’s OK. She seams very scared of hospitals and
she knows me a little – so I think I should stay this time.
But, thank you for offering” He smiled at Jing-Mei who went
away thinking <anytime, Dr Kovac, anytime>.
Returning to the exam room, Luka went straight to work gently bathing Alice’s face to reveal the extent of the damage. His hands were sure but gentle as he thoroughly checked her over – it didn’t look like any of the fourteen bones of her face were broken. “Did he hit you anywhere else?” “No.” You’re sure?” “Yeah, I legged it out of there so fast. He wasn’t going to get a second chance” She winced – it hurt to talk. “What kind of a man does this to a woman?” Luka wondered out loud. There was no answer.
Having done a standard neurological exam Luka was satisfied that he did not need to order a head CT, or any other tests. He then proceeded to neatly suture the wound to her cheek. Taking great care to minimise any future scaring. When he was done he wrote a prescription for pain medication and advised Alice on care of the wound. “Come back in four days to have the wound checked but I’m sure it will heal well.” Alice frowned “Will you be here?” “Yes, and if you don’t come – I know where to come and find you!” He smiled and was pleased to see the slightest hint of smile flicker around the corners of her lips.
Luka sighed as he watched them leave the ER. He wondered again about what kind of man could have hit a defenceless young woman. He gathered she had been living with him up until now. He was glad that the other waitress had offered to take her in. Jing-Mei cleared her throat, breaking into his thoughts. “Makes you wonder why women stick around with these kind of men, huh?” Luka was surprised by her attitude. “Maybe, but we don’t know the full story, Dr Chen. Imagine you were in a strange country with no friends, no money of your own…..you might not be so able to break free of a bad relationship” He raised one eyebrow and Jing-Mei felt crushed. “I suppose not, Dr Kovac.”
His shift over, Luka made his way home. The apartment was hot and stuffy having been shut up for the night while he was at work so before he did anything else, Luka threw wide all the windows. Then he stripped off all his clothes and stood under the shower until the clinging smell of the hospital was rinsed away. A towel casually wrapped around his waist, Luka fixed himself a quick snack of a bowl of cereal and ate it standing by the open window gazing out over the early morning streets. People who lived more ‘normal’ 9 to 5 lives were just getting up now, mostly unaware of the lives that went on whilst they were sleeping. Perhaps it was time he rejoined the human race. He could start by asking Kerry to take him off nights for a while. He had done more than his fair share – it was time to stop punishing himself.
Alice woke up in a strange bed and for
a moment felt disorientated. The pain in her face reminded her
soon enough of the events that had brought her here. She looked
around with interest to see that she had been sleeping in a child’s
room. The walls were decorated with characters from Disney and
the shelves and floor strewn with toys. For a moment Alice
recalled her tiny room at The Manse in Oban and felt a strong
pang of homesickness.
She looked around for her clothes but they
were no where to be seen. Corrine had put out a towelling robe
for her and Alice slipped this on before venturing out in search
of the bathroom. The bright lights in the living room assaulted
her eyes but as soon as she had got used to the glare she could
make out a middle-aged man with a young girl of about seven or
eight sat on the couch watching t.v.
“Hi, guess your up then?” he
stated the obvious “Corrine said to tell you she’d put
your clothes in the washer-dryer. Should be done by now.”
His manner was brusque but friendly. “I’m Jake by the
way. And this is Georgina”
“Pleased to meet you. Um, where’s
the bathroom?” “Right over there” he gestured.
“Georgie, go and show the lady where to get her clothes,
good girl” And he turned his attention back to the screen.
Alice smiled at the little girl realising
that her face must look pretty awful. “Mommy’s gone to
work and Daddy let’s me stay up late” the little girl
volunteered. “Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed”
said Alice. “You’re welcome!”
It felt good to be in a regular family
home but Alice realised that she couldn’t stay. There was
barely room to swing a cat in the tiny apartment. And she couldn’t
put the little girl out of her room. When Corrine got back from
work she would thank her and be on her way.
When Corrine returned she would have none of
Alice’s argument. “Just forget it will you. Look I know
it’s cramped but I’m working on something. My sister’s
got a place just two blocks away and she’s taking a trip to
L.A. to meet her fiancée’s people. She’ll be gone for
three or four weeks and I was going to have to keep going over
there to keep an eye on things. Now, I’ve talked to her and
she said you could move in while she’s gone so long as you
feed her cat and water the plants. What do you say to that?”
Alice was speechless. One day she was
a stranger in a new town with no friends. Now she was being
offered friendship and kindness beyond her dreams. It was too
much and Alice burst into tears. Huge wracking sobs shook her
body. “Oh now, your poor thing!” Corrine swept the
younger woman into her arms, gently rocking her as Alice’s
tears soaked the front of her blouse. “There, there it’s
going to be alright”
Later, when Alice had calmed down, Corrine
told her even more good news. “That old Joe, he’s not
such a hard guy you know. He said you can have four days off paid
sick leave and then you can start off on days if you like.”
She winked ”And he said if that Lennie come’s looking
for you he’ll break every bone in his body!” Alice’s
face fell. She hadn’t thought of that. But no, Lennie didn’t
know where she had been working and besides he had thrown her
out, after taking all her money – he wouldn’t want to
go looking for her.
Four days later Luka was finishing his last
night shift, for a while at least. Kerry had taken his request to
be moved off nights in good part. In fact she felt pretty guilty
for taking advantage of him for so long. “Go on take a
couple of days off too. It’s a public holiday next week.
When did you last have one of those off?” She squinted up at
the much taller doctor.
“Well the 4th July is
kind of an American thing, isn’t it?” “Yeah, but
take it anyway. I hate all that patriotic crap!” and with
that, she crutched off to the lounge.
As he cleared the board of the last patients
he had seen, Luka remembered that Alice should have shown up
today to have her sutures removed. He went to find her chart to
see if she had been seen by one of the other doctors but she hadn’t.
He decided to stop over at Doc Magoos at the end of the shift to
find out why she hadn’t come back.
He was not altogether surprised not to find
her there either but Corrine was there, just finishing her shift.
“She’s not shown up? I did remind her but she’s in
a world of her own sometimes. I thought it would do her good to
have some time off work but I’m not sure now.” She
breathed a heavy sigh. She had tried to be a good friend to Alice
but she seamed to be sinking lower into depression and Corrine
didn’t know how to help her.
“Is she still staying with you?”
Luka asked. “Yeah. Look, could you come round to see her at
home? Maybe you could talk some sense into her.” “Of
course, we could go now if you like” So the two of them left
the diner together. Luka had his car so they were at Corrine’s
in no time. Luka noticed the apartment building had seen better
days but Corrine kept her own place immaculately clean.
Alice was sprawled on the couch watching
t.v. Neither Jake nor Georgina we’re up yet – it was
only 6a.m. It didn’t look as if Alice had been to bed at
all. In truth she was finding it hard to sleep. Her time clock
was all shot up and when she did get to sleep she kept having
nightmares.
She was very surprised to see the tall
Croatian doctor with Corrine and hurriedly slipped her legs off
the couch. Luka gave her a friendly smile. “Well if you won’t
come to the hospital, the hospital will have to come to you!”
he said to explain his presence. He was disappointed to see no
reaction at all from her.
“Can I check your sutures Alice?”
She nodded briefly. “How about you come and sit at the
counter here so I can see what I’m doing” When she had
done as he asked he opened up his bag and got out all the
necessary kit. He was pleased to see that she was healing well
– physically at least.
“Your face is healing well, Alice. How
are you feeling in yourself?” Luka gently enquired. “Oh,
OK I guess.” She mumbled. Corrine butted in “Oh come on
Alice, we all know your not sleeping and hardly eating at all.
You can’t be OK!”
“You’re not my mother!” Alice
immediately regretted raising her voice and burst into tears.
Corrine enfolded her in her arms and let Alice sob until she was
done. “It’s OK, we just want to help you. We know it’s
been a bad time for you but you’ve got to let us help.”
She looked up over Alice’s head, her eyes pleading with Luka
to help the girl.
For a moment, Luka hesitated, unsure of his
own abilities. What Alice probably needed was professional help
but perhaps he could do something to bring the sparkle back to
her eyes and the smile to her lips. She had offered her
friendship back at Doc Magoos - broken through the wall that he
had been building up around him - he owed her a debt of gratitude
for that.
“Hey, Alice. You are with friends now.
We might not be able to sort out all your problems but we would
like to try.” He put his hand on her shoulder and gently
soothed her.
“I’m sorry.” Alice spoke at
last. “I don’t mean to be so ungrateful.” She
sniffed and Luka silently produced a large white handkerchief.
Alice took it and blew her nose noisily. “It’s just
that I’ve not had anyone be so kind to me for so long, it’s
sort of broken down my defences.”
“Believe me, I know what you
mean.” Luka’s face took on a haunted look. “You
can get through many bad things if you shut yourself off, don’t
let yourself feel. But you can’t keep it up forever and when
you start to become human again all the pain is still there
waiting for the break in your defence.” He went on “I
can’t pretend it is easy but if you let people reach out and
help you it will get easier.”
Alice felt chastened. It was obvious that
Luka had suffered – still was suffering – far greater
pain than she had ever imagined. But he was not judging her or
forcing his own philosophies upon her. He was simply offering
friendship. Not knowing what to say, Alice placed her hand on top
of his and gently squeezed it.
Corrine eventually broke the long silence
that followed Luka’s outpouring. “How about a cup of
tea?”